Changed By Infertility
“Because so many things that we’ve tried have failed, I have lost confidence in the fact that one day I will be a mother. I worry constantly about what that might look like for someone and it scares me.”
“I Wanted This Baby”
“And that entire time I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, ‘ I WANTED THIS BABY! I PRAYED FOR THIS BABY.’ But I sat in silence and cried.”
Finding a Balance
And that’s exactly my message to all of you. I will keep sharing the hard, the pain, the horrible, the suffering and the awful. But I will also share the good.
Stop Saying Never Give Up
Sometimes you need to step back and take a break. A long break. Or change course. Or try something new. Or stop trying altogether. So I beg you, fertility community- let’s stop saying, “Never give up.”
Don’t Ask. Ever
I’ve been talking a lot about the expectations vs reality of what your life looks like. But what about families in your community? Why do we speak in hushed tones about those couples who have small families?
Hurtful Comments
But when those comments come from someone you love, you trust, you deem as “safe,” it’s much harder to do the reframing. These are the people who know the depths of your pain.
My Secret Menorah Poem
“I am a single woman with a very close friend that has gone through and is currently going through infertility and loss. I am with her on this journey and she sent me the poem.”
To My Dearest Embabies
“Lastly, dear embabies of mine, I want you to know that mommy loves you more than anything in the world! I am so proud of all of my brave, strong and beautiful babies.”
I’m Tired
“I’m tired of being poked and prodded. I’m tired of sharing my medical history yet again. I’m tired of throwing money down the drain. I’m tired of not being able to breathe. I’m so tired.”
Primary Ovarian Insufficiency While Single
“I've learned so much about myself through this journey. I wish it never happened, but at the same time I have grown more than I could have imagined.”
We All Care
“We care so much," - almost slips out, before it is harshly shushed by the silencing, accusing voices of "Don't say that. How can you ever care enough?”
Finding Me
“I struggled to be in met o feel all of me to hold me i forgot me i couldn’t be me i lost me i lost me in the dark night silencedby him i lost me when my body was no longer mine”
To The Mom Today
“I would be grateful to have a screaming child. A child not wanting to leave the ice rink. But my shot for only one....I was only asking G-d for one...may be gone.”
“What Do I Want?”
“What do I want? I want to be free of pain. The pain of wanting to be pregnant but not knowing if it will ever happen.”
Feelings Post-Miscarriage
“I am faking it pretty well, but honestly- I am completely overwhelmed and devastated. I have a child who I love, but my heart has a hole for another.”
The Pain of Miscarriage
“I’m terrified if I get pregnant again and have another miscarriage I will add ‘recurrent miscarriage’ to the already long list of my infertility diagnosis”
No Right Way to Do This
Some people grieve for months or years over their 10 week miscarriage and find the whole process so traumatic that they will never try again. And some don’t.
Body Shaming & Loss
It’s hard enough to deal with fertility issues, but when that loss is coupled with body shaming, it makes the loss feel a million times worse.
Cabbage Leaves
“I don’t think I can ever look at a cabbage again without thinking about the milk that came in after my second trimester miscarriages.”
My Marriage Fell Apart
So many of you have written about your relationships and marriages being strained through the journey of infertility or after a loss, that it’s worth mentioning here.