To My Dearest Embabies
“I wrote this letter the night before I found out I lost 3 of my 5 embryos.
To my dearest embabies,
Hello warriors, this is your mommy.
Although we haven’t met yet, and you’re not living in the same house as me, I think about you all the time. You’re the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning, and the last thing I think about before drifting off to sleep.
I want you to know, that you are so strong, and so loved! From the first injection, to your creation, it was you, my embabies that kept me going. Your silent cheers and belief in me, is what made me push through, and emerge victorious.
As you all fertilized and developed, I got to see your strength and beauty, and I couldn’t be prouder! You fought to grow, to fertilize, to develop, to become what the doctors call your full potential, and for that I’m so proud to be your mother.
I know that you are now in a safe place. I know you’re being cared for by the best doctors in the field. I know that with the help of science, you’re kept strong, secure and healthy. But I want you to know, that my love for you, is in that laboratory freezer with you. Mommy is here with you. I’m holding you. Cuddling you. Keeping you warm, in the frigid temperatures that you so badly need to continue existing.
Although I wish we could’ve met already, I needed some time before taking the big step. I needed to rest up, heal and take care of your big brother, Shloimy. I was also afraid of losing one of you, so soon after I got to know you. I wasn’t ready to part with any of you yet. I love you all so much and want to keep you as safe as I possibly can.
I look forward to the day that you, my embabies, and me, your mommy can finally be united! I look forward to the day that our interactions will be simple, not dictated by science or doctors. I look forward to the day that we can meet in a setting outside of a cold and sterile laboratory. And I look forward to the day that we get to hold onto each other, fingers intertwined, nose to nose and laugh about our journey.
Lastly, dear embabies of mine, I want you to know that mommy loves you more than anything in the world! I am so proud of all of my brave, strong and beautiful babies. And no matter what happens, whether we meet in this world, or the next, you will always be my babies, forever!
All my love,
Mommy”