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Adoption • Body Image • Cancer • Childless Not By Choice • Circumstantial Infertility • Ectopic and Molar Pregnancy • Egg Freezing • Emotional Support • Endometriosis • Genetics • Grief • Holidays • How to Support • Humor • Infertility • IUI • IVF • LGBTQ+ • Men’s Resources • Mikvah, Niddah & Intimacy • Miscarriage • PCOS • Personal Stories • Pregnancy After Loss • Pregnancy Announcements • Recurrent Loss • Relationships and Friendships • Religion and Faith • Secondary Infertility • Self-Care • Singles • Surrogacy • Termination for Medical Reasons • Third Party Reproduction • What Not To Say
Adoption
I was supposed to live a storybook life. Graduate college, get married & start a family. Only, it didn’t happen and suddenly I was in my 40s with a biological time clock ticking so loud I could barely think.
Don’t automatically assume that adoption is only for those who “fail” treatments. It’s for anyone who wants to give a child a (Jewish) home. It’s the very essence of Tikkun Olam (tikkun olam is the idea that Jews bear responsibility not only for their own moral, spiritual, and material welfare, but also for the welfare of society at large).❤️
Chavie Bruk, joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about dealing with unmet expectations and how to have a mindset shift, leaning in and feeling the pain and the good and hard things about being an adoptive parent.
Body Image
Rachel Goldberg LMFT, PMH joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about binge and restrictive eating habits and how that can affect fertility, the reasons why disordered eating or exercise can cause fertility issues, the guilt and shame that go along with this these diagnoses, and the small changes suggestions people can make to try to get them out of a destructive feeding pattern.
Reva Schlanger Peyser MS, RD, CDN joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about a myriad of issues surrounding fertility in regard to body image and eating disorders, how people feel like their body is failing them during the struggle to build a family and how people might use eating, nutrition, exercise to try to take back some control.
There are many different ways our relationship with our body changes because of all that we go through to grow our family. It’s normal to struggle with the changes your body goes through along the way.
Cancer
This story gives an insight into one woman’s feelings as she prepares for her last visit to the mikvah (ritual bath), a necessity in orthodox communities before husband and wife reunite.
Here is a woman’s story of a surgery to remove a tumor that ended in hysterectomy and her feelings about no longer being able to have her own children afterwards.
“After denying that anything was wrong and then realizing that so much was wrong, I spent the next few months going to doctors and and getting tests.”
Childless Not By Choice
Part of mental health is also acknowledging that you may not be where you want to be eventually, but you still have to take care of yourself here — now.
Whether you are pushing yourself to attend this something or whether you're staying in to avoid all the negative feelings that come when you do show up, we see you.
And I feel horrible that I’m jealous of a friend that got that joy for even a little bit. I know that must be hurtful to people that went through the pain of losing.
Circumstantial Infertility
It doesn't change the fact that I wish I didn't need to be on birth control. That my vision of having a large family isn't realistic for me. That I am dealing with a mental illness.
“This condition requires me to take medication. I would absolutely love to try to expand my family, but the medication I take isn't conducive to pregnancy.”
“I don’t fit in with the ‘infertility’ per se, but because of my diagnosis I haven’t been allowed to try to get pregnant for the last 3.5 years.”
Ectopic and Molar Pregnancy
How does one move on from here? While her story is unique, there are so many pieces that are not. The fear. The pain. The loss of control. Powerlessness. Feeling that your body betrayed you. The unknown.
This is the a story of molar pregnancy. Please read with kindness and sensitivity in your heart, because this woman is in deep pain.
Read one woman's story about an extopic pregnancy and needing mental health support 10 years later because of the trauma it caused.
Egg Freezing
“I've learned so much about myself through this journey. I wish it never happened, but at the same time I have grown more than I could have imagined.”
Some people will freeze their eggs. Some people won't. It's a personal decision, much like a couple's decision to pursue fertility treatment (IUI, IVF).
“I've learned so much about myself through this journey. I wish it never happened, but at the same time I have grown more than I could have imagined. It is still a lonely place and painful.”
Emotional Support
How To Be A More Sensitive Host
Grief is trying to talk to you. Here’s a cheat sheet to tell you what it’s really saying.
Don’t Say This, Say This Instead
Endometriosis
Rachel Daar Cohen joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about a powerful, raw, and deeply emotional story of resilience after a tremendous amount of struggle, her struggle with infertility, trauma, grief, addiction, and endometriosis and how kindness is so important as we never know what people are really going through.
“I first started having symptoms back when I got my first period at 13. Ever since then, I remember excruciating pain and my Dr telling me to take 2 days off from school.”
“176 million women live with endometriosis and I am one of them. To me, this enigmatic and commonly misunderstood disease is a symbol of so much more than a simple illness.”
Genetics
“Once I got to high school, it was probably about 11th or 12th grade where my parents told me I would have to go through IVF to have kids. In my mind I was like, ‘Okay- No big deal.”
“People talk about infertility and pregnancy loss as reasons they don't have the family they dreamed of. I've never heard of anyone talk about the genetic carrier issue.”
While many undergo fertility treatments because of a medical diagnosis of infertility, others have a different genetic condition or disorders which necessitate IVF to ensure a healthy child.
Grief
Grief is trying to talk to you. Here’s a cheat sheet to tell you what it’s really saying.
Holidays
How to Support
Not everything happens for a reason. Some things happen, and they are horrible and awful. You could spend your life searching for a reason — you’ll never find it.
Bodies change during pregnancy, thats’s normal! But it’s not normal to ask someone if they are pregnant because their body has changed. Please, let’s just stop.
Stop looking at people’s stomach when you are speaking to them. You aren’t being subtle. They know exactly why are you looking there and what you are thinking.
Humor
How many times have you wanted to give *that* person a snippy remark after they made you feel bad, but you just couldn’t think of one at the time? Here’s the post for you.
Please... Just talk about sushi at the shmorg. Or the decor.The dresses that they are wearing. How nice it is to see cousins from the other side of the family. All about Aunt Rachel's new apartment. Your nephew's new job. What your granddaughter is learning in school.
Liz Glazer joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about the moment when everything changed, when her daughter, Leo Pearl, was stillborn and the aftermath, and growing up not knowing if she was ever going to be able to have a family.
Infertility
Tee Simpser joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about her 6 years of primary infertility, heartbreaking disappointments, life-threatening complications and all kinds of insensitive comments and how she saw herself in the Chana/Penina story from the Book of Shmuel (book of Samuel), as she longed to be a mother, while watching everyone else around her get pregnant.
Esther Rollhaus, MD, joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about all aspects of reproductive psychiatry, the reasons why someone would reach out, how meds are used as an adjunct to therapy, and myths about medication.
LGBTQ
Pregnancy loss is complicated for all people, dealing grief, etc. - but for people in the LGBTQ+ community, it’s even more complicated. Here’s one person’s perspective.
Feelin unseen in spaces that are supposed to provide support can make a fertility journey far more difficult than it already is, particularly when dealing with loss.
Beyond an actual loss or diagnosis, there is so much shame surrounding these experiences for people in the queer community because they think everything is a punishment for who they are.
IUI
Holding space for this anonymous follower and all of you who feel like you’re not worthy to be in this community. You don’t know if you have a place.
Almost all infertility stories talk about the difficulty of IVF. But what about IUI (intrauterine insemination)? Here a woman writes about her feelings going through multiple rounds of IUI. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
It’s hard to put all 5,000 thoughts that run through our minds during the two week wait into one graphic. But we tried to capture the essence.
IVF
“We started our fertility journey dreaming and wondering what it would be like to have a family, to have little ones bouncing around, so we started to make that dream happen.”
“Once I got to high school, it was probably about 11th or 12th grade where my parents told me I would have to go through IVF to have kids. In my mind I was like, ‘Okay- No big deal.”
“I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 13, and had to start taking birth control pill to regulate my periods. Even then, my gynecologist always reassured me that I would have no difficulty to get pregnant.”
Men’s Resources
“After our diagnosis of severe MFI (male factor infertility), I told my husband the ball was in his court, and if he wanted kids he needed to take control and figure things out.”
Regardless of whether it’s your “fault” or not, the emotional pain of infertility is very real for both partners.
Regardless of whether they ask for help or show their sadness, the men in your life need and deserve some TLC, too.Here are some ways you can support them today and every day.
Mikvah, Niddah & Intimacy
This story gives an insight into one woman’s feelings as she prepares for her last visit to the mikvah (ritual bath), a necessity in orthodox communities before husband and wife reunite.
“Let me start here. Niddah makes me want to die. I have separation anxiety. Something I’ve had all my life. I was treated for it once, but I hated the meds. They had horrible side effects.”
It’s been a long time since I was in that stage of my life, the emotions and stress of mikvah night during the years when we kept losing babies come rushing back.
Miscarriage
Thank you to this follower for sharing this letter with us
8 Ways To Remember & Memorialize Your Baby
I couldn't tell anyone that I was pregnant because I had just told them I was divorce. I thought my friends and family would judge me for having allowed myself to get pregnant.
PCOS
Shaina Glick joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about her two children and the very different fertility journey that she had to take to have each of them, the first one that was “relatively” easy, and the other, which was much more difficult, and the years of treatments she went through and a miscarriage.
Personal Stories
“Doing you best” looks different for everyone. Please take care of yourselves 🫂
Simchas Torah Reflections
Dr. Aimee Baron supports those who are struggling with fertility - and answers some of the most import questions on this episode of Meaningful People Podcast.
Pregnancy After Loss
Thank you to this voice from the community for perfectly describing this 😭😭😭
A follower who has been suffering for years with infertility, and recently got pregnant wrote this to me, after reading how some people are triggered when hearing people complain.
“Can you share some tips about how to get through pregnancy after loss? I am 6 weeks pregnant now and a mess. It’s just so hard to get through the day.”
Pregnancy Announcements
Dr. Aimee Baron supports those who are struggling with fertility - and answers some of the most import questions on this episode of Meaningful People Podcast.
We've complied a carousel of suggestions on how and when you should tell your person that you are pregnant.
We see you. You are not a monster. You are a person just trying to get through another day in pain. You are a human being. Be kind to your aching heart.
Recurrent Loss
Dr. Aimee Baron supports those who are struggling with fertility - and answers some of the most import questions on this episode of Meaningful People Podcast.
The stories I have read in the last day were heartbreaking. Thank you all for trusting me with them and sharing your most vulnerable moments with me. This is a reminder that grief changes over time.
Linny Stone, joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about how she met her husband, how she advocated for herself to her doctors, and her recurrent pregnancy loss.
Relationships and Friendships
So many of you have written about your relationships and marriages being strained through the journey of infertility or after a loss, that it’s worth mentioning here.
“I’ve never told a single soul this, but the biggest reason I don’t want to do IVF is because I don’t think my marriage is strong enough to endure it.”
“Yet, we don't have kids to play with their kids at shabbos meals, go to afternoon activities with, or go to museums with. We have tried to fit in, but maybe it's better to not even try.”
Religion and Faith
Dr. Aimee Baron supports those who are struggling with fertility - and answers some of the most import questions on this episode of Meaningful People Podcast.
Stop telling people to pray harder.
How do you relate to Gd, when he doesn’t answer your prayers over and over again? Here is one person’s story: “What does hashem want from me?
Secondary Infertility
Dr. Aimee Baron supports those who are struggling with fertility - and answers some of the most import questions on this episode of Meaningful People Podcast.
This poster wishes to remain anonymous, but I’ve had many conversations with her about trying to reconcile the despair of trying (and failing) to get pregnant with another child.
. It’s been “easy” (😕) to deal with your situation, but to have your aloneness on display, while watching everyone else parade with their families has been a big adjustment.
Self-Care
We think that self-care is about manicures and massages and walks in nature.
And it is.
But it is also sometimes about doing hard things. Having hard conversations. Dealing with people who you don't agree with. Attending an event when you would rather stay home.
Our advice - especially when things are rough?
Think about the those things and see what needs work. It can be transformative to focus on inner work when the world is spinning out of control. Because you can't make other people do what you want, when you want it.
But you can change yourself and the way you react the events around you.
Read that book that’s been sitting on your night table. Have a conversation without getting distracted by that rectangle thing that keeps sending you notifications. Breathe. Take a walk outside.
Singles
“I've learned so much about myself through this journey. I wish it never happened, but at the same time I have grown more than I could have imagined.”
We share these heartbreaking words with you so that you can understand a little bit more about how hard it is for them to be carrying the weight of not being married AND not having children.
Here is a personal account of vaginismus. We are sharing her words because her experience is the very essence of circumstantial infertility.
Surrogacy
I will be honest and say that it took me a long time to be able to share my story without falling apart. But once I was able to, I have shared it so many times because I find that it gives people hope.
I always knew surrogacy would be my path to having a child of my own. When I was 16 years old, I was diagnosed with rhabdomyosarcoma, a form of cervical cancer.
Surrogacy gives many people the opportunity to grow their family when they otherwise couldn’t have and bring them the greatest joy. However, that doesn’t mean there isn’t grief and loss throughout the process.
Termination for Medical Reasons
“Why does no one talk about the grief one feels after terminating a child? I’ve been carrying it with me for years. All our friends and family knew were were having a spring baby.”
Abbie Sophia has been featured on this page before, talking about her infertility, loss and twin pregnancy. Now, she elaborates on her experience with termination.
A women’s TFMR story and how her experience was affected by the COVID-19 pandemic, with her having to do everything alone.
Third Party Reproduction
Parents who are choosing to use a donor for their child are thinking exactly the same way. They want to be parents more than they want to share their DNA.
These are some of the things that parents think about when considering using a donor (and things that other people think when you share you are going the donor route)
"We failed 11 IVF's at 4 different prominent fertility clinics with my own eggs, before we even considered donor eggs- what a difference it is going for a transfer being pretty confident that I'll end up pregnant!"
What Not To Say
How To Be A More Sensitive Host
Don’t Say This, Say This Instead
November is National Adoption Awareness Month. As a fertility community, here are some things we need from the well-meaning people in our lives.