“What Do I Want?”

“What do I want?

I want to be free of pain.
The pain of wanting to be pregnant but not knowing if it will ever happen.

I want to be free of pain.
The pain of miscarriage yet again.

I want to be free of pain.
The pain of needles pocking my arm.

I want to be free of pain.
The pain of heartbreak yet again.

I want to be free of pain.
The pain of infertility.

What do I want?

I want to feel pain.
The pain of the embryo sticking to my uterus.

I want to feel pain.
The pain of my belly stretching as it grows my baby.

I want to feel pain.
The pain of my bladder ready to explode.

I want to feel pain.
The pain of contractions as my baby says I’m coming.

I want to feel pain.
The pain of pushing my baby into this world.

I want to feel pain.
The pain of my first milk coming in.

I want to feel pain.
The pain of my body postpartum.

What do I want?
I want that pain that only a mother can love.”

-submitted by @shoshanastavsky