Finding Me

“I struggled to be in me
to feel all of me to hold me
i forgot me
i couldn’t be me i lost me
i lost me
in the dark night
silenced
by him
i lost me
when my body was no longer mine
i lost me
when pleasure
was no more
i lost me
when tears
were all i saw
i lost me
i left me
when the pain was too much
to bear
i life me
when i became numb
i left me
when there was no longer
a
me
II
i lost me
but i missed me
i missed my smile
i missed joy
i missed feeling present being in me
being one with me
i missed feeling anything

something
i missed feeling whole i missed being open feeling free
mostly
i missed
being me
III
and with time
and work
and lots of patience and care
i began
finding me
slowly
oh so slowly
i found me
in sunsets
in the woods
at the beach
i found me
in candlelit baths
in long bike rides and by journaling
i found me in slivers
jagged edges rough surfaces but
underneath it all it was me
piecing me back together is tough
so much work
deep work
painful work but satisfying
i’m learning
to love myself again my brokenness
my scars
my pain

all of me
i’m learning to love all of me
i’m learning what pieces catch the light
what pieces
are smooth now
what pieces
need to be held
what pieces
have bonded
what pieces
need to be rearranged
i’m learning that a broken body
and soul
can be
put back together
and be
more exquisite than before.”