Mikvah Feelings

I got this message last week and something in it struck a chord with me. Even though it had been a long time since I was in that stage of my life, the emotions and stress of mikvah night during the years when we kept losing babies came rushing back. I too used to get anxiety on mikvah night.

I remember trying to plan a relaxing day before going, or some kind of a special outing, but that too started causing me anxiety. I started dreading getting a manicure, and I usually love sitting and having someone pamper me.

It started to creep into our sex lives as well. What was once romantic and playful became rote and more chore-like. We tried one thing after another to lighten the mood or bring back some of the spark, but it was really hard with the cloud of pregnancy loss always surrounding us. Trying to have another baby was great, but the pregnancy itself would kick-start months of crippling anxiety and that was no fun for either of us.
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It was hard.