Halachic infertility
PSA: This next story about Halachic infertility is hard to read.
For those of you who spend every waking moment steeped in Jewish law, following its every edit with all of its nuances, it’s difficult to contemplate someone who doesn’t take it as seriously as you.
And we know that it’s probably going to be even more difficult hearing from some one who chose to turn away from Halacha (jewish law). This someone tried every possible way to stay within the confines of what the law was saying, but instead felt isolated, angered, depressed and shut down. She chose to do what she needed to do for her mental health.
And why are we sharing her story? Because IWSTHAB’s mission is to hold space, comfort and validate anyone who is struggling to have a child. And in this case, the anger and disillusionment are the emotions that need to be supported.
Also, we want to remind all of you that when you ask “How many children do you have?” you really have NO IDEA what people are going through, and how hard it is for them to get through one single day. Because if you had a window into our DM’s, you would see that this woman is not the only one who is trying her best to straddle her desire to have a family with the confines of jewish law.
Mikvah Attendent
The mikvah can be a deeply emotional experience—especially for those navigating infertility, loss, or pain. Even well-meaning comments can unintentionally cause hurt.
This post is a gentle reminder: when in doubt, keep it simple.
Be supportive. Be respectful. Most importantly, be quiet when silence is more healing than words.
Dear Mikvah
Dear Mikvah—
Thank you @shoshanastavsky for your words. You are not alone 🫂
Mikvah Voices From The Community
For anyone who has ever dreaded the water, feared the touch, or cried alone in their car after doing “what you’re supposed to do”... You are not alone. You never were.
We’re sharing this with permission, so others might feel less invisible.
Mikvah Confessions
Mikvah Night isn’t always joyful…
“The world tells us mikvah night is magical. The night of possibility, of connection. But what if it’s also the night of pressure? Of dread? Of crying in the car on the way there because you’re scared of more disappointment? You’re not broken if it feels this way. You’re human.”
If mikvah night feels hard — what do you wish people understood?
Mikvah
Mikvah - it’s beautiful, it’s magical, it’s triggering, it’s complicated, it’s painful. It can be all of these things when you’re trying to have a baby.
Rituals
There can be comfort in the consistency of ritual.
There’s comfort in the rhythm, in the embrace of the water.
Nothing is happening at the pace I would choose, but there is an opportunity for a resurgence of hope and the possibility of new beginnings.
But there’s also pain—
the grief of dipping again when you wished this month would be different. Mikvah and taharat hamishpacha aren’t simple.
They carry both hope and heartache.
My Final Mikvah
This story gives an insight into one woman’s feelings as she prepares for her last visit to the mikvah (ritual bath), a necessity in orthodox communities before husband and wife reunite.
Niddah & Separation Anxiety
“Let me start here. Niddah makes me want to die. I have separation anxiety. Something I’ve had all my life. I was treated for it once, but I hated the meds. They had horrible side effects.”
Mikvah Feelings
It’s been a long time since I was in that stage of my life, the emotions and stress of mikvah night during the years when we kept losing babies come rushing back.
The Final Immersion
It’s not quite six weeks after my complete hysterectomy and I am still somewhat sore. Tonight is the last night that I will ever immerse in the mikveh for the mitzvah of taharat hamishpacha.
Extra Stringencies with Niddah and Mikvah
You don’t get extra points for keeping the laws of nidda/mikvah more stringently than necessary. A sensitive rabbi or yoetzet well versed in this area and attuned to mental health can help.
Mikvah and Closure
After my first miscarriage, I just waned to go to the mikvah to put closure to the pregnancy. With my second loss, I didn’t want to go to mikvah because I didn’t want the closure.
Mikvah is Hard
From the moment I stepped into a Mikvah for when I had to go before my wedding, it was the most hardest, uncomfortable, and just plain painful for me to ever do.
Why I Hate the Mikvah
I dread the mikvah. I rarely experience anxiety, but the mikvah gives me anxiety. I once took my birth control pill for eight months straight to avoid getting my period, which is not safe.
Crying at the Mikvah
Last month I cried when I got out of the water. Couldn’t control it. I cried so hard like I had the day we got our results [when we were diagnosed with infertility]. I couldn’t stop.
My Last Trip to the Mikvah
“I just went to the mikvah for the last time. I am 28 years old. This time I walked into the mikvah knowing that there was a hundred percent, no miracle out there could ever help me carry another baby.”
Mikvah Jealousy
Infertility Confession: I’m jealous of other women who can come home from the mikvah and have fun with their husbands withoutthe stress of infertility.
My Period Feels Like a Slap in the Face
As if infertility wasn’t hard enough, then niddah comes along and makes it 100 times harder 😩 When all you want is a hug… and you can’t have it. It just crushes you all over again.
The Niddah Diaries
We’ve compiled some of your thoughts and feelings around niddah and mikvah. Swipe to read through them and read entries about The Niddah Diaries.