Crying at the Mikvah

“I cried reading the post about going to the Mikva for the last time.

Last month I cried when I got out of the water.

Couldn’t control it. I cried so hard like I had the day we got our results [when we were diagnosed with infertility].

I couldn’t stop.

I realized I am getting older and my dream is over. Even though the doctors said it would never be.

I cried for one of my last visits to the Mikva.

I don’t know when that will be.

I’ve been going for 26 years with no break in sight.
Never missing a month.
Always getting a period and feeling like another egg wasted.

I cried and cried.

And then I cried for my friends waiting for children.

I told Hashem (G-d) if I wasn’t meant to have a baby…give them! Let them have the chance I never had.

I cried for my single friends and family. Let them have the chance to find a match and have children that I was never able to conceive.

I cried and cried.

Realizing I had lost the war I raged against those doctors telling me we are better off adopting.

I cried for my lost dream.

I went home emotionally drained, but with hope for others.”

-written by Yettie Katz