145. Exploring the Emotions of the Struggle to Have A Baby with Aliza Tropper, LMHC
Aliza Tropper, LMHC, joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about the emotions that come up during the quest to build a family, the guilt, shame, sadness, anxiety, inadequacy, etc., and how they manifest, and suggestions on how to make these deep feelings more manageable, like self-soothing, mini-breaks, reaching out for support and even medication if things become too overwhelming.
About Triggers
Like a slap in the face, these emotional triggers wake us up to reality and to the unhealed parts of ourselves which we have tried so hard to ignore.
Sharing Your Story
Some people are oversharers. They tell you every detail of their lives, to the point where it’s kinda embarrassing. Others are fiercely private, not sharing even commonplace thoughts and ideas.
No Right Way to Do This
Some people grieve for months or years over their 10 week miscarriage and find the whole process so traumatic that they will never try again. And some don’t.
Grief is Unique
Grief for each individual is unique. Do not judge the way someone else is manifesting their pain. With grief- there is no right way to feel.
Roe Vs. Wade Reactions
IWSTHAB was started to support anyone in the Jewis community struggling to have a child: single, married, divorced, LGBTQ+, charedi, any barriers or issues and we will continue to do so.
Suppressing Emotions
A gentle reminder that pretending not to have emotions or feelings comes at a high price that will eventually come at a cost to your mental or physical health.
Guilt Versus Shame
When we feel bad about something we did (or didn’t do, we tend to experience guilt. When we feel that *we are bad* for something we did (or didn’t do). We tend to experience shame.
Thick Skin
“Thick skin When she says "I'm pregnant," and you fake a smile All while she babbles about Morning sickness and Setting up a nursery and She never thinks of you.”
Something Feels Wrong
Sometimes we don’t have the words to explain how we are feeling. Or there are too many emotions to pinpoint one at any given moment. We just ask that you keep showing up for yourselves.
Pregnancy Thoughts
Thoughts and feelings towards pregnancy look very different after infertility and loss. Even though this is something that we desperately want, it brings a mix of emotions and lots of anxiety.
Pretending to be OK
We see all of you who are struggling to make it through each day and put on a smile even when you feel like you can barely breathe.
Holding Different Emotions
Just because you are sad about one part in your life doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy other parts, especially during holidays. It’s OK to hold different emotions at once.
Anxiety About Sharing Pregnancy News
Pregnancy announcements...When should you share? How should you share? To whom should you share? They're so hard for so many reasons.
Types of Guilt In Infertility
Unfortunately, guilt is a part of infertility. It’s a feeling of having done something wrong, whether real or imagined.
Understanding Shame and Guilt
Guilt and shame are two common and complex emotions for people navigating infertility. They are different, but tend to go hand in hand.
Pregnant But…
Even for people that get pregnant after infertility or loss, there are many conflicting emotions: gratefulness, guilt, fear, anxiety, hope. You can hold space for the positive and negative emotions.
Emotions and Overwhelm
This is infertility. This is the side of infertility you may not see. The internal struggle to make it through cry day, every cycle, every event without breaking down.
Complicated Emotions
It's normal to feel all types of competing emotions and it’s okay to feel the deepest grief and sadness and also be thankful that you are alive following an ectopic or molar pregnancy.