A heartbreaking anonymous story gives an insight into one woman’s feelings as she prepares for her visit to the mikvah (ritual bath), a necessity in orthodox communities before husband and wife reunite. This immersion happens after a woman finishes menstruating, and it renders her ritually clean to have sex again.
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This process is deeply painful for those who are not able to get pregnant or for those who have lost a pregnancy, as it is a monthly reminder that their bodies are not carrying a child. (When someone is pregnant, she usually does not menstruate, therefore she does not have to go to the mikvah).

This writer shares all of her emotions, as she dips in the water.

PSA: This next story about Halachic infertility is hard to read.

For those of you who spend every waking moment steeped in Jewish law, following its every edit with all of its nuances, it’s difficult to contemplate someone who doesn’t take it as seriously as you.

And we know that it’s probably going to be even more difficult hearing from some one who chose to turn away from Halacha (jewish law). This someone tried every possible way to stay within the confines of what the law was saying, but instead felt isolated, angered, depressed and shut down. She chose to do what she needed to do for her mental health.

And why are we sharing her story? Because IWSTHAB’s mission is to hold space, comfort and validate anyone who is struggling to have a child. And in this case, the anger and disillusionment are the emotions that need to be supported.

Also, we want to remind all of you that when you ask “How many children do you have?” you really have NO IDEA what people are going through, and how hard it is for them to get through one single day. Because if you had a window into our DM’s, you would see that this woman is not the only one who is trying her best to straddle her desire to have a family with the confines of jewish law.