Grateful & Hateful

”Having had a stillborn a few weeks ago (after years of infertility), I find myself floating between being grateful and hateful and back again.

I’m grateful that my stillborn was my only concern at that time.
That I was able to have my husband in the room with me.
That I wasn’t ushered out of the hospital without the proper time to say goodbye to my baby.
That when I came home, I was completely spoiled by family & friends with meals showing up every night for over 2 weeks after.

But I’m also devastated over the loss of my baby, and being home I’m reminded everyday that there’s no gurgling baby around. I have no work to distract me, I’m up at night wondering what life would’ve looked like. I’m busy with my older one & the issues she’s facing having her life turned upside down first with the loss of the baby, then with school closing & the floor beneath her crumbling.

I think we should stop being so hard on people who comment stupid things. Before I was in the situation I’m currently in, I used to say those things to other people too, and I only meant it in a well-meaning way.

I think we should be easy on other people & easy on ourselves as well.”