Infertility & Feeling Inadequate

“We've been married almost 5 years. At this point, I feel like it's clear to everyone we are dealing with infertility.

I stopped going to social events, shul, shiurim (lectures), etc., long before shutdowns were the norm lol. I just couldn't deal the with the shame I felt and the intrusive questions.

My husband's youngest sister got married several months after us and they had a baby before their first anniversary. A couple of months ago, I accidentally found out she was in her 3rd trimester (that's another story 🙄), so now she has a 3 year old and a newborn. My other sister-in-law who lives out of town (husband’s brother) also has had 3 kids in the time we've been married. Another younger sister is BH (Gd willing) getting married next month and I sometimes worry if they too will have kids before us.

I try not to worry about the future, but for the upcoming chagim (holidays), I just can’t bring myself to be together with them. The kallah (new bride) will be there too and I have anxiety and already feel shame about meeting her too 😔.

Not to sound dramatic, but I sometimes can’t look my in-laws in the eyes.

Maybe some of this is cultural. I try to keep things in perspective and I know there are worse things in the world. I guess I'm just looking for some ways to deal with the shame/ inadequacy. How do I handle these feelings I have all the time?”