Secrecy vs Privacy
What’s the difference between secrecy and privacy?
Privacy refers to your personal boundaries about your history, thoughts, opinions, and experiences, separate from your partner and relationship. Secrecy, on the other hand, involves something that you are intentionally hiding.
In this scenario, the hiding comes because you know your news will hurt, so you think by not sharing your pregnancy, that will prevent her from finding out.
But here’s the thing.
You can’t hide a baby forever. And when she does eventually find out, she will be hurt that you didn’t share this detail of your life. She will think that you don’t care about her enough to share happy moments, even if she’s sad. She will think you don’t value her friendship.
And she will most likely never share anything sensitive with you again.
So, is the initial discomfort of sharing your news worth it?
Pregnancy announcement | be sensitive | no secrets | infertility | fertility clinic | fertility support
Pregnancy announcement
Back to Basics: How am I supposed to share the news of my own pregnancy when I know my sister/friend/cousin, is experiencing infertility? I don’t want to hurt them!
We’ve complied a carousel of suggestions on how and when you should tell your person that you are pregnant.
And the last part of this is…
⭐️Don’t get upset when your person doesn’t get back to you immediately.
⭐️Please don’t be mad when she doesn’t acknowledge your pregnancy.
⭐️Don’t hold a grudge if she doesn’t come to a baby shower or bris; Your pregnancy/baby is triggering her. She’s doing what she can to survive and your job is to be her friend no matter what.
Did we miss any? Let us know in the comments...
Pregnancy announcement | infertility | fertility support | grief | what to say | how to support
10 ways to offer support (that aren’t advice)
Say it with me:
“They don’t need advice, they need support.”
Here are 10 ways to support ❤️
Support person | infertility |pregnancy after loss | pregnancy anxiety | pregnancy loss | infant loss | surrogacy | adoption | secondary infertility
Do not comment on peoples bodies
PSA: Don’t comment on people’s bodies. Ever.
Maybe their fertility medications (or other meds) are causing them to gain weight.
Maybe they just had a loss and haven’t lost the weight.
Maybe they are pregnant but they aren’t ready to talk about it yet.
Maybe they have a medical condition that is causing their body to gain weight.
You never know what someone is going through, but you can be certain that commenting on their body is never the thing you want to be doing. Imagine not seeing someone since last Thanksgiving and the first thing they say to you is “Oh, you got heavy!” 😡
Please. Please. Please. Stop talking about body shape, type, diets, food restrictions, Glp-1s, etc. It’s never a conversation that is going to end well.
Thanksgiving | turkey | body image| don’t talk about people’s bodies| health at every size | diet culture | fertility | infertility | Jewish
Questions to ask on Thankgiving
Okay, you agreed to go. But you’re worried that people are going to be up inappropriate topics.
Or you agreed to host, and you need to make sure that your childless sister feels comfortable.
This is one of our most popular pieces of content for good reason- because people get into a rut with conversations, and forget that there are so many other things to talk about that have nothing to do with babies, pregnancy or children.
So here’s your cheat sheet, again. ❤️
Singles | childless | childless not by choice | infertility | miscarriage | ice breakers for fertility struggles | infertile | thanksgiving | shabbos | hosting a meal | being a good host | sensitive things to say
How to avoid invasive questions
Spending time with family over the holidays means you might be getting asked some insensitive and personal questions about when you are going to have a baby….
Swipe to read some ways you can respond when Bubby asks you “Nu… when are you going to give me a great-grandchild? You aren’t getting any younger!”
Thanksgiving | holidays | Jewish holidays | Jewish | Jewish family | Jew | infertility | IVF | iui | miscarriage | pregnancy loss | not pregnant
Holiday Reminder part 2
It’s perfectly okay if this year Thanksgiving is just another Thursday
Okay?
Okay ❤️🫂🤗
Grateful | not grateful | holiday | Jewish holiday | Jewish family | miscarriage | stillborn | infertility
Holiday Reminder
Holidays are hard. Full stop.
And they get a whole lot harder when the world around you is wrapped in gratitude and smiling family photos.
The reality is that most people are just trying to make it through the day without falling apart. We rarely know what someone else is carrying. Someone might look calm, cheerful, or “fine,” while inside they’re holding grief, fear, disappointment, or memories they never asked for.
So this holiday season, go gently. With yourself, and with everyone you meet. A little kindness goes a long way, especially when so much is happening beneath the surface that no one can see.
thanksgiving | holidays | jewishholiday | jewishfamily |infertility | pregnancyloss | miscarriage
Adoption Journey
Swipe to read through this follower’s personal story about the adoption of her children and her journey in raising them ❤️
Adoption | Jewish adoptee | domestic adoption | fertility clinic | infertility
The Adoption and Jewish Identity Project
What are some things that Jewish adoptees and families wish their communities knew?
The Adoption and Jewish Identity Project @adoptionjewishidentity produced this insight which was borne out of research they did, from surveys and oral histories they took from a diverse group of Jewish adoptees raised in American Jewish families.
Swipe to see our take on it.
Adoption | Jewish adoptee | Jewish identity | just adopt | international adoption | Jewish family | inclusivity | orthodox Jewish life | infertility
Adoption behind the scenes
Even if you choose to adopt, there is nothing that is simple about the process.
We share these complexities so you can arm yourselves, knowing what may lie ahead, and for all of you out there who know people in your life who have adopted or are considering it—> Please be kind.
Even after people adopt, there can be lingering grief and trauma around the so many of these issues.
Adoption | Jewish adoptees | don’t say just adopt | infertility | fertility journey | Jewish community
Adoption Awareness Month
November is Adoption Awareness Month. So this is a perfect time to remind everyone…
It’s tempting to tell people that adoption would so much easier than the 6th round of IVF or going through another miscarriage.
But is it? Really?
Yeah, not so much.
Adoption | just adopt | adoption awareness month | infertility | fertility journey | international adoption | Jewish adoption | Jewish couple | Orthodox Judaism
Quick reminder…
Quick reminder to end off our “men’s week” for MOvember.
Just because he doesn’t emote the way you do, doesn’t mean he’s not feeling it just as much.
Tell him that you’re really a mess. Let him know that it’s hard to watch him act differently than you. Give him ways he can support you if he doesn’t know what to do.
And…don’t forget to reach out to other people if he can’t be the one who gives you what you need. It’s okay if that happens. You’re allowed to get support and validation from other people too.
Couples | relationships | male factor | male factor infertility | infertility | miscarriage | stillborn | TFMR | Jewish | Jew | jewish woman
Supporting Men Cheat Sheet
Infertility puts an incredible stress on a marriage. But you are in this together - here are some tips for supporting the men ❤️
Men’s health awareness | what about the men | male factor infertility | IUI | ivf | pregnancy loss | men cry too | emotions | infertility thoughts | supportive relationships
It’s okay for men to…
Society has made men believe it is a sign of weakness for them to show emotions. But those emotions are still there. So they bubble under the surface until eventually they have explode.
So men, we just wanted to acknowledge that despite what society might tell you it’s okay to feel all the feels.
It’s okay to cry.
It’s okay to ask for help.
It’s okay to be vulnerable.
It’s okay to let others in.
It doesn’t make you weak or a burden. It makes you stronger.
And you may just find that in doing so, you feel lighter.
Men’s health awareness | men’s mental health | male factor infertility | Jewish couple | relationship advice | infertility | ttc | miscarriage | infant loss
Diary of Male factor infertility wife
Regardless of whether it’s your “fault” or not, the emotional pain of infertility is very real for both partners.
This anonymous woman has been messaging me for years, as she struggles with being married to a man with male factor infertility. The pain, the isolation, the shame, the secrecy- it’s all awful.
Here are some of her words…
Male factor infertility | men’s health awareness | men’s mental health | relationships | Jewish couple | marriage counseling | infertility | pregnancy loss | stillbirth
Just because he doesn’t show his emotions in the same way as you, doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel them. And don’t take it personally if he doesn’t want to talk about it.
Even if it’s not always obvious or in the same ways as women, men feel the pain of infertility and longing to have a baby.
Just support them. Be there for them. And remember that there is no right way to grieve and feel!
Men’s health awareness | infertility | men cry too | men’s mental health | male factor infertility | ttc | IUI | ivf | pregnancy loss
It’s hard for husbands aswell
Some men cry, some men get angry, some men talk about their pain…
And some men don’t.
And that is perfectly okay. Let him know you are there for him but then let him process in his own way. Even if that means that he doesn’t seem to process it at all.
Just because he doesn’t show his emotions in the same way as you, doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel them. And don’t take it personally if he doesn’t want to talk about it.
Even if it’s not always obvious or in the same ways as women, men feel the pain of infertility and longing to have a baby.
Just support them. Be there for them. And remember that there is no right way to grieve and feel!
Men’s health awareness | infertility | men cry too | men’s mental health | male factor infertility | ttc | IUI | ivf | pregnancy loss
Men react with infertility
We asked you how the men in your life is coping with infertility and here’s what you said 🫂
Male factor infertility | mens health awareness | mens mental health | infertility | relationships | Jewish couple| marriage | fertility treatment | IUI | IVF | miscarriage
Men grieve and process emotions differently
Often, the men in our lives suffer silently and alone.
Men grieve and process emotions differently.
Whether you are the spouse, parent, sibling, or friend to a man going through infertility or loss, please know that even if he seems ok on the outside, he is struggling too ❤️🩹
Mend health awareness | male factor infertility| infertility | Jewish couple | pregnancy loss | stillbirth | men’s mental health
Bravery feels like Fear
I read this quote earlier in the week, and couldn’t help thinking about PAL, because it’s all about bravery and courage, every single day, every single hour, every single minute.
PAL | pregnant after loss | fertility journey | infertility journey | pregnancy loss | jew | Jewish