Termination for Medical Reasons Personal Story

“At 7 weeks, I went to the doctor.

We waited a while before starting to try and it took us time to get pregnant. Everything was normal.

We heard the heartbeat.

We were excited, elated, and couldn't wait to tell my other kids we were having a baby.

Fast forward to 11 weeks 5 days and I went in for the new Nucal translucency appointment. Nobody was allowed to go in with me because of covid, so I went to the doctor alone. The tech was squeezing me in, and she made it known.

We heard the baby's heartbeat, I thought okay. Everything is good. But she was pushing my stomach with the want.

She said, “My job is to check the spine, legs, arms, and brain.”

I said “okay.”

She finished and told me to wait for her in the waiting room.

I said, “But is everything okay?”

She said, “Do trust me? I've been doing this for 25 years.”

I said yes.

She said, “I found the baby's neck is thick.”

And with that I went to the waiting room to wait called my husband and my mother. But we were still waiting.

What does that mean?

The doctor called the office. He told me on the phone while I was standing at the reception desk.

“The baby is just not viable. The baby has a cystic hydroma which is indicative of a chromosomal abnormality. But he also saw a heart anomaly. If the baby survived a term, it would need major open heart surgery right away, if and only if the doctor thought the prognosis would be good.”

I called Bonei Olam and told them what was happening. The rabbi asked if I was set on going to that doctor. I wanted to go to the best. So I made an appointment at the recommended MFM.

Two days later I was sitting in the waiting room, ALONE again, but my husband and Mom waited outside in the car.

The MFM doctor came in and did a sonogram. I saw him looking at the heart. He asked the tech for help and they took some measurements. I didn't ask questions, partially because I wanted to let him do his thing and the other part was I was afraid of the answer.

I sat there numb.

Finally he was done. He called my husband on the phone, and the doctor began speaking.

He recommended genetic testing and a CVS (chorionic villus sampling) right away. So I went up to the genetic testing area, and then back down where he performed the CVS.

The whole time I was ALONE.

We went home. And we did for the results to come in.

We were told that the baby had trisomy 21 with hydrops. The baby was already in heart failure. And would likely not survive to term.

The next steps were automatic. Make an appointment for a D&E. Do a covid test, go to pre-up, do the procedure. The DNE appointment was scheduled for when I was 13 weeks gestation.

(We spoke to a rabbi who told us we should go through the procedure as soon as possible, and it should be done before I entered the second trimester.)

I walked into the hospital ALONE.

Waiting in preop ALONE.

Was in recovery ALONE.

All alone because of covid.

My husband picked me up at the door of the hospital. And we went home.

Physically I feel fine. Emotionally 95% of the time I am good. But I have moments that I am not. I am happy we were further along in the pregnancy; that would have been harder.

Today, I would be 18 weeks pregnant. Today, I am still on my healing Journey.

Tomorrow I will wake up in the morning, thank Hashem (G-d) for my life, my husband, and my beautiful three children. Tomorrow I will think of him for the people that were and still are my rocks through everything.

Tomorrow I will put one foot in front of the other, and know that none of this was my fault.

Tomorrow is another day to continue the healing journey.”