You might feel an instinct when meeting someone new to ask, “So, how many kids to you have?” or “Do you have kids?”

🚨DON’T🚨

Please, stop asking people about their kids, if they want kids, or how many kids they have.

For people in the fertility community, these questions are an incredibly hurtful, heartbreaking and triggering for struggling to build their family or grieving the loss of a pregnancy or baby. Such an "innocent" question is the source for so much pain.

This is the season getting introduced to peoples’ family visiting from out of town, inviting new people over for meals, and lots and lots of holiday parties.

So please, next time you want to ask someone about their family, try -

“Tell me about your family.”

5 Ways To Ask, But Not Ask “Do You Have Kids?”

1. When you are meeting someone for the first time… “Ah, you just moved in! Welcome to the neighborhood. So, who lives in that big house with you?”

2. When you are trying to figure out how many place settings to put at the table… but you don’t want to make people uncomfortable: “How many are you?” or “How many people should I set a place for?”

3. When you are catching up with someone you haven’t seen in years… “OMG- How is your family? And tell me about all the new people in your life since I’ve last seen you.”

4. When you are meeting someone who you think is single or doesn’t have kids but you’re not sure… “It’s so nice to meet you! Tell me a little about your family—Does anyone live nearby?”

5. When you are getting to know a new coworker and you want to ask about their personal life in an appropriate way… “Who do you live with now—friends or family?” or “Can you tell me more about your living situation?”

   Always: “Tell me about your family.”

   Never: “How many kids do you have?”