Elisheva Levitt’s Personal Surrogacy Story
I “met” Elisheva years ago when she was running a fundraiser for Houston’s flood victims. I’m so grateful that she has agreed to share the story of her family.
“I wish I had known that my first pregnancy with my daughter would be the last ‘normal’ one that I would experience - I may have savored it more.
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I was young and fairly newly married and was lucky to get pregnant quickly. During my pregnancy the doctor informed us that I was Rh- blood type and since my husband was Rh+ blood type, I would need to get shots of Rhogam which would prevent my body building a resistance to future positive blooded babies. For some unknown reason, the shots did not work. I was told that future pregnancies would have to be closely monitored because the antibodies I had developed could attack the baby's blood, make it anemic or worse.
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In my second pregnancy a few years later, I was closely monitored all along. At about 31 weeks I went in for blood work as usual, and was called back in because my antibody count had jumped an enormous amount. As soon as I got the call (we were in sleep away camp at the time), I knew in my heart that the baby was gone. I spent the whole night poking a prodding my belly hoping for a kick back and got nothing. Once I drove into the doctor's office and had an ultrasound ( I was 32 weeks at that point), I knew the news would not be good. My husband fainted from the shock of it in the office and nearly got a concussion.
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I was induced into labor the next day and after 2 days delivered a baby boy. I asked not to see him because I was so terrified of what I would see (something I regret to this day). I was so young (22) and suffered a tremendous trauma. We buried him and tried to move on. My daughter was such a blessing because it gave me something to focus on and do.
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We didn't give up and with the guidance of a specialist got pregnant again. Unfortunately this one only got to 16 weeks after which I had a D&C.
We now knew this path was beyond complicated. It was then that we started thinking about using a surrogate.
We started researching but got very little back because it was still so unheard of. In short, we did a search for a single Jewish woman (which was the halachic psak we got), and even used the ‘Teaneck Shuls’ email group to look anonymously. No luck.
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It was at that point that we were moving out of the New York area and our Rabbi told us that we have to exhaust all pregnancy options before continuing to pursue surrogacy. We found a doctor in California who ordered blood work and was convinced that my issue was something completely different. He had me take a shot of some medication and based on the results said we should go ahead and try pregnancy again. So we did.
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I was closely monitored by the perinatologist with regular ultrasounds and with my local ob/gyn. At 16 weeks, my antibody count started going up again. The doctor in California said, ‘I honestly don't know what to do with you now.’ We were devastated, worried and stuck.
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Our local perinaltologist was furious. She called every expert friend she knew and proceeded to try some treatments she hoped would help. I ended in hospital with meningitis (and still pregnant), but once I recovered, the baby started to show signs of anemia. A specialist said the baby needed blood transfusions in the womb. It was an astounding thing to watch this complicated procedure. Even after 2 intra-uterine blood transfusions, unfortunately the baby died at 23 weeks.
Again labor was induced, and so many awful things happened around this long delivery - like friends giving birth on the same floor at the same time. I also remember a nurse doing an internal exam to see if I was dilated and she had crazy long nails. I don't need to say more- it was horrendous, but fit how I was feeling.
I delivered a baby girl a day later. I held her, it was awful, but I felt so good for having hugged her.
We named her Emuna because we were trying to remind ourselves how much we had to continue having faith that something would work out.
I was a mess, if I'm honest. I was having panic attacks, my daughter was going through the terrible 5's and we were screaming at each other all the time. I went on Zoloft to help me cope. It saved me because life is hard to live at that point and I felt guilty for being a mess of a mother to my daughter.
So we went back to the rabbi and said that we had exhausted all options. He gave us the go-ahead to look for a surrogate.
I literally went on Google and typed in surrogacy lawyer in our area. Down to and went with the first one. She was wonderful and very understanding. She advertised for us for a year looking for a single Jewish woman but to no avail. We were also in touch with Machon Puah in Israel who were extremely helpful guiding us through it all from a halachic perspective.
Just when we were about to give up and start looking for a non-jewish surrogate. Our lawyer called and said she had a dream about one of her surrogates who had just had twins and in the dream she said she was Jewish. Sure enough she was (we had to find proof, but did TG) and she was also more than willing to do it again!
What luck! She lived 25 minutes away and was single. She was an absolute angel. Calm, reassuring, so happy to do this for us and dedicated to the pregnancy.
We went through psychological testing and our lawyer created a 33-page contract. Next, we had to go through IVF. I remember waking up from the egg retrieval and crying so deeply because I knew that I would never again be able to do this myself.
I was mourning the end of my child very nears at the young age of 31 (not the way I pictured any of this.)
I'm sorry you got pregnant with twins! It was beyond elating and hard to put it in words. And when we found out it was a boy and a girl, we really felt that Hashem (Gd) had sent us exactly what we wanted and needed. The pregnancy hits the bumps along the way (bleeding in the third month), but our surrogate was so reassuring and comforting. She kept saying, "It will be fine. Don't worry!"
At 35 weeks, with my husband and I in the delivery room, we watched our twins born through C-section. It was incredible, emotional and so overwhelming.
I remember having to sleep in a doctor's on call room and setting my alarm every 3 hours to go feed them.
They came home on Friday just in time for an amazing Shalom Zachar. People were singing, smiling and crying at the same time. We were emotional wrecks and just couldn't believe are absolute fortune.
Our community was incredible and couldn't be more joyous even though this was not the typical story. My son's bris had 450 people and not only did my husband give the most incredible speech, but so did our surrogate. All she could say was how privilege to have been part of our story. People were mesmerized by her!
We named the twins Rena and Simcha, both joyous names, because that's how he felt after a long and hard journey.
I will be honest and say that it took me a long time to be able to share my story without falling apart. But once I was able to, I have shared it so many times because I find that it gives people hope, and often allows people to open up to me about their fertility challenges and difficulties. I have since spoken to dozens of couples all over the country about surrogacy and TG there have been many success stories. Each one has made me more and more joyous.
Halacha is changing in the still new area. As of now the birth mother is the halachic mother, but I am convinced that will change. In the meantime, the pregnancy was only 9 months of what have been many most amazing years so far have raising our children. There are 100% hours and looks, personalities and everything in between.
Our surrogate recently came to our daughter's Bat Mitzvah. She wears the names of all the surrogate children she has carried (5 in all) on a bracelet. She is so proud of what she did. She got up and spoke and there was not a dry eye in the room. You have forever indebted to her because she gave us the most incredible gifts. And through our story we have been able to help many others.
My message to others is don't lose your Emunah. With it, Hashem helps and even if you have to get creative, he wants us to succeed.”