Understanding Male Factor Infertility

0-50% of infertility issues are because of a problem with the male. And of those, only a small percentage are open about it. Shame, stigma, feeling less manly, etc. are some of the common reasons as to why so many don’t share the reason behind a couple’s infertility. And in many cases, the couple does not even tell close family or friends the truth. The fallout of this is that the woman often bears the brunt of the trying-to-be-helpful comments.

“Have you seen that new doctor in the city? He’s supposed to be the best!” “My cousin used these herbs that her acupuncturist recommended. Here’s the number.”

“You should just relax more… Go gluten free…stop thinking about it…try IVF.”

When the diagnosis is #azoospermia (no sperm), there are no doctors, herbs, diets or techniques that work. But she will smile, act interested, play dumb and warmly thank the person for the suggestion, while she dies a little more each time. She has no one to talk with, because she can’t share it, and doesn’t want to tell husband about the comments because it will only hurt him more. She will get her period month after month, still hoping beyond hope that one day she’ll see two pink lines, even when she knows it’s impossible.

Some of these women do get the psak (rabbinic opinion) that they can use a sperm donor, but others do not. There are communities where this is not allowed and unless they are able to adopt, some of these couples will never have children of their own. 💔 On behalf of these women, please don’t always assume that they are the ones at fault. It’s painful, embarrassing and heartbreaking for them to deflect these comments over and over again. Each woman is protecting her husband and doing the best she can to stay sane through the process.