Kvatter Thoughts

What is a "Kvatter?" The role of the kvatter is to bring the baby from the mom to the dad at the start of the bris ceremony. The term is Yiddish, and probably comes from the term "K'fater" which means "like the father."

There are different customs related to who is honored to play this role, particularly as pertains to what is called a "segulah" - a special merit to achieve a certain result.

The major "segulah" of this role is for people who are not yet parents to merit to become parents. Just as they are participating in the bris, just as the woman and man are "like" the mother and father of the baby in the way they are bringing him to his bris, they should merit to have a child, and if he's a boy, to bring him to his bris. (Rabbi Avi Billet)

So why is this such a problem for people who are struggling to have a baby?

Read Tamar's words from her post today:

I need to give this PSA, because if I don't, who will 🤷🏼‍♀️
This morning, I was asked to be kvatter for someone. I had no idea who the couple was.
I was told "it's a segulah."
To which I explained "Yes. We've struggled for over 4 years...I'm aware."
Then about ten minutes later...someone asked me again to be kvatter for a couple in which I had no idea who they were.
To say this has been a 'fun' morning is an understatement.
The desire to help is there.
It's all with good intentions.
I'm aware of that.
But PLEASE think before asking someone to be kvatter.
PLEASE know that almost anyone who is struggling with infertility, has been asked before.
And if the couple agrees to being kvatter...don't assume it's their first time.
Infertility is a beast.
The pain of infertility is tremendous.
Kvatter is a great honor for a close friend or family member.
It's a nice thing to be asked, sometimes, by even an acquaintance.
But don't ask someone, especially someone whose been struggling with infertility for quite some time "to be kvatter because it's a segulah."
I may be vocal.
Others may not be.
Thank you for understanding