Infertility Is Being Trapped
“I’m so excited for my first day of 12th grade. I’ve been waiting for this my whole life. I walk into the classroom so ready to conquer every lesson and try my best. And I think I do.
But as the year comes to a close, right as I’m walking out the door, the teacher stops me and says ‘I’m so sorry. You didn’t pass. You must remain in this class another year.’ And yeah, it’s a little annoying, watching all of my friends leaving, but I think, ‘Hey, it’s not the worst thing. I’m sure there’s a lot more I could pick up during another year in 12th grade.’ So I sit back down and make the best of it.
The year is wrapping up and once again as I’m leaving the teacher pulls me aside, ‘You haven’t passed again; you need to sit back down.’ I’m starting to get frustrated, but I bite my lip and sit down. I know I don’t have control over this anyway. I’m doing my best, but it’s not working.
My new classmates come in and they all look so much younger than me. I look out the window and there are my old friends, some in college, some beginning to get married and there’s this twinge of hurt I feel as I whisper, ‘Will that ever be me?’
This is what living with infertility is like.
Being trapped in a situation where you feel like you should’ve graduated years ago. Watching the people around you move on and level up. The people that you find yourself with become younger and younger. I feel like I’ve memorized every poster in this room. I know where the paint is cracked and the molding doesn’t meet.
Living with infertility is not a prison, it’s a classroom.
I may be learning a lesson, but I promise you I already know this lesson by heart.”