The Impact

Today is infant and pregnancy loss awareness day. I know that all of you are being inundated with posts and comments from all over social and print media, reminding you of this.

It is an incredible feat that a topic that was once so stigmatized and shrouded in secrecy, shame and guilt is now being celebrated/commemorated in this very public way.

For some of you, who have never had the chance to grieve your babies, this day is a gift. It allows you and loved ones in your life a space to talk about a difficult topic, maybe in a way that feels easier than it did when the loss was more recent. For others who have been public about their pain, it’s another day to remember and share.

But we also know that there are some of you who don’t connect to this day. You had your loss(es) and are more sensitive and aware now, but they haven’t impacted you deeply. You mourned (or didn’t) at the time, but they don’t affect your daily life. You think about them around the anniversary, but that’s it. It changed you, but not materially.

All of these reactions are okay. All of these reactions are normal. All of these actions are ones that you can expect after a loss.

Do we need a day to think about our babies?

Yes.
Maybe.
I think so.
Why not?

And do we need another day to remind the world that we’ve been to hell and back, and to not say stupid things that delegitimize our pain? Do we need another day to remind people that this is something that was very real and important that changed us?

I think yes.

Because we need the fuzzy blankets, the homemade cookies, the hugs, the friends and the kindness. Those are the things that we carry with us, in our hearts, long beyond our losses. We remember who showed up, said a nice word and sent flowers. We remember who cared.

So, here’s to another day of warmth, love and friendship.