How To Announce A Pregnancy To Someone Going Through Infertility Or Loss
“How am I supposed to share the news of my own pregnancy when I know my sister/friend/cousin, is experiencing infertility? I don’t want to hurt them!”
We've complied a couple of suggestions on how and when you should tell your person that you are pregnant.
Things To Think About
If you’ve been staying awake at night wondering how you’re going to break this news to your friend/family member, then that means you are already one step ahead.
You know this will hurt them because you now have the thing they desperately want. You want to share it in the kindest way possible because it’s better to not hide anything.
Text Is Best
We know that it seems counterintuitive, but if you text (email or leave a voicenote), it gives your friend time to react privately to the news.
Meeting in-person or sharing the news on a phone call is tricky for struggling people because they’re forced to say how happy the are, while trying to mask their own “happy for you, sad for me” emotions.
Share It In The Evening
When people get pregnancy announcement texts in the middle of the day it is often hard to find the time or space to cry and process.
A poorly timed text can come when someone is in public - at work or running errands - making it hard for someone to reach naturally.
Keep It Short And Sweet
Don’t drone on about how many months you were trying, which doctor you saw, how bad your nausea is, and how you are starting to think about names.
Keep it short and sweet, let them know they can take as much time as they need to answer. And that you will understand if they can’t reply right now.
Avoid Sharing At Big Family Gatherings
Sharing news like this in front of a crowd is insensitive to people in pain.
If you still want to do it this way, tell them privately ahead of time, so they can react honestly and prepare themselves for the big reveal.
It’s Better To Share Than Hide
We know sharing news like this can be gut-wrenching, so some people tell everyone else and hold off telling their person. This is a terrible idea.
Because when they do find out and learn that everyone else knew before them, they’ll feel even more left out and hurt. Fertility struggles make people feel this way already—don’t make it worse.
Tell Them You Love Them
Remind them that you are always here for them, but understand if they need some distance from you now.
And how when they are ready, you’ll always be there with hugs and a listening ear.
And the last part of this is…
Don't get upset when the person doesn't get back to you immediately.
Please don't be mad when they doesn't acknowledge your pregnancy.
Don't hold a grudge if they don’t come to a baby shower or bris; Your pregnancy/baby is triggering them. They’re doing what they can to survive and your job is to be their friend no matter what.