Holiday Grief

Why are holidays such a difficult time for people who are struggling or grieving their babies?

Holidays create such strong memories in our minds. Our senses are filled with the smells of mom's famous chicken soup, the crunch of the matzo, the taste of the cookies that everyone says are "just like chometz." It's the sounds of the prayers we sing, the people we visit, the places we go. Everything reminds us of what we did last year, and the year before and the year before.

And when you hoped that this would be the year that you had a baby to hold, it's even more devastating when that dream doesn't become a reality.

Some thoughts:

-You don't owe anyone your happiness. It's okay to to not be okay during this time, even if everyone else around you is happy.

-Grieving is hard every single day of the year, and having times of "forced happiness" can only make things worse. If you know that you need to be "on" for certain events, make sure you build in some down time so that you can recharge.

-For everyone else: Know that there are many people out there who don't find Pesach to be that joyous. These individuals may have depressing thoughts even in the times when they are supposed to be happy. A simple acknowledgment of that - allowing them to skip events or take time away from family without making them feel guilty - will go miles to preserving and nurturing relationships.

-Don't forget the people around you. A simple, "Hey! How are you doing today? Is there anything I can do/bring for you?" will be priceless to someone who feels alone.