On Healing
Below are two different narratives on healing. Both stories highlight the strength and resilience needed to navigate challenging times and embrace the future with optimism.
“After my D&E in early September, I knew I wasn't in the proper headspace to try again just yet.
We waited.
We healed.
Especially given the current year we are living through.
We enjoyed what we had.
Sure there were ups and downs, people even assumed we were trying.
But 7 months later I feel so much better. I am in a good place in life. Healing is not only physical; It needs to be mental and emotional too.
As I get closer to the estimated due date, I stop and think.
What if, what if?
What if I carried the baby to term?
What if I gave birth to this baby?
But then I take a step back and I know in my heart that we did the right thing. Bringing a baby into the world that would suffer surgery after surgery, lengthy hospital stays, and ultimately a life confined within themselves isn't a life that we would have wanted for our child. Hashem (Gd) gave us a precious neshama (soul) for 13 weeks and it was returned to Hashem, so it wouldn't have to suffer.
There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about this precious neshama. Most days are good, some are great, but then there some that are difficult. But I turn around and look at everything Hashem has given me. I am grateful for everything. I hope and pray that each day that passes I am able to put one foot in front of the other literally and figuratively and move forward.”
“My birthday is coming up. I'll be 35. It's the age when a woman crosses over from a regular pregnancy to one that's more high risk, a geriatric pregnancy.
I reflect back over the last year.
So many emotions.
Some high, some low, and some just numb.
From the high highs to the low lows, I have found the in between, the middle ground, the plateau.
Hours and days go by where I don't think about the what ifs. Hours and days go by when I'm living in the here and now.
I am thankful for the time that passed, healing most wounds. A part of me will never forget the baby that once lived inside me for 13 short weeks.
But a bigger part of me has taken at first small tentative steps, then bigger confident steps and finally optimistic leaps to a new tomorrow.”