“Last Year I Stood In Shul”

“Dear G-d,

Last year I stood in Shul (synagogue) and prayed that You would find us worthy of having a baby at the right time.

I probably should have asked for a healthy and living baby, but I really never thought that there was a need to be so specific.

Deep down, I know that You heard me and I know that You understood what I was asking fo.

You heard me and You did come through; we we blessed with a pregnancy and the most opportune time. For a reason that I cannot and will not ever understand, You decided that it was not meant to be.

Maybe we weren’t ready, maybe this neshama (soul) had to have a beating heart for only a short amount of time.

I guess this baby was never supposed to be born.

I don’t know and never will know because humans will never be able to fully understand G-d’s divine plan. I still love You and I still want to be close to You.

But I was let down and I’m in pain.

I will try to push myself to go to Shul, and I will try to connect, but please understand that I’m still hurting.

Please be patient with me.

I’m only human and this Yom Kippur is hard for me.

Please make this year a better year. I’m not in the frame of mind to start taking things upon myself, but know that I am trying to be better.

I call out to you from the bottom of my heart….

Please bless me with a better year.

Fondly,

Your daughter.”