Holiday Angst

When something is imprinted on your memory, it is so firmly fixed that won't forget.

Why do you remember exactly how your grandmother smelled even though the last time you saw her was years ago?
Why do you smile whenever you hear the same song they played at your wedding?

Why do you remember what you did last Rosh Hashana, the one 5 five years ago and how delicious that honey cake tastes?

Why do we say things like, "Next year when I'm sitting at the seder table, I hope I'm holding a baby," or "I was pregnant this time last year and due right after the holiday. This year, I just have an empty belly and empty arms."

And furthermore, some past experiences can keep haunting you for years. Holiday tables filled with rude and insensitive family members you don't regularly see can feel like walking into a landmine. The memories of being publicly berated at the yomtov (holiday) table for not having any kids or when *that* person publicly announced her pregnancy...right after your stillbirth– can be impossible to forget, even if you make every possible effort.

It's no wonder these times of year are hard.