“After years of hoping and praying, we finally got pregnant on our 3rd round of IVF. We were so excited and couldn’t stop pinching ourselves that our dream of starting a family was finally going to come true!!!
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I had my blood levels checked a lot in the beginning and the numbers were pretty high. Even though we only transferred one embryo, twins run in our family, so I was certain that I was also carrying two. I explained the intense nausea and cravings away, just knowing that I had two babies growing inside of me.
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But then at the first ultrasound, the doctor only found one strong heartbeat. There was another white blob on the screen that he referred to as the ‘vanishing twin,’ but after he said that, my mind just went blank. I was overcome with emotion and had a very hard time accepting the fact that I would only be having one baby. The rest of my pregnancy passed uneventfully, but I was in a constant state of fear. I prayed that each twinge of pain and every doctor appointment wouldn’t mean that I was going to get more bad news. Thank G-d, after months of anxiety, my son was born perfectly healthy.

I know I’m lucky. I have a baby in my arms and we are all totally in love with him. I am finally a mother. But for a long time after the delivery , I tried not to acknowledge what happened with his twin because it wasn’t like a ‘traditional’ loss and I never wanted to sound ungrateful for our healthy baby.
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But I often think about that baby too. Why he didn’t make it? Was he sick? What would his personality have been like? Would he have rolled over at the same time? It's very, very hard for me.
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I’ll probably always wonder what it would have been like if the baby had made it.”