Circumstantial Infertility and Being Single
Those who suffer with circumstantial infertility also really struggle this time of year. People who are single, divorced, dealing with a medical or mental health challenge, financial constraints, marital difficulties, etc., aren't even in the position to try to have a baby, and are often left out when we think about to whom we should be sensitive.
Here's your anonymous reminder not to forget them.
"It’s official. Summer’s over. I can’t walk down the street without bumping into moms and their kids anxiously getting ready for the school year and the upcoming Yomim Tovim (holidays).
It’s also simcha season (celebrations like weddings, bar mitzvahs, etc) again of course. Almost every night of the week it’s hair, makeup, and some fancy outfit I don’t feel right in. I keep asking myself, ‘Will it really matter? Are people really looking that closely? How much further forward can my best foot go?’ I walk in with my armor up - ready to let the well meant dagger ‘Iyh by you’ (‘soon by you’) bounce right off.
People ask, ‘Where will you be for yom tov?’ I wonder how many mattresses I’ll need to stuff in my room to accommodate everyone staying at my house for chag (the holiday) - I’d really like to be home *just* with my family. But I smile and tell them I’m looking forward to hosting them.
When I light my candle, tears stream down my face. Not just because of my status, but because those around me are clueless to my pain. From my siblings, who insist that their little ones sleep in my bedroom ‘because it’s more convenient,’ to the endless amount of mindless acquaintances who think it’s ok to say things like ‘Iyh by you’ every time they see me.
The newfound awareness and sensitivity to those struggling to become parents is incredible. Unfortunately, there is still this stigma surrounding those of us who are single. I’m treated as if being single is a thorn I stuck in my own side. I’ve lost count of how many people told me to be less picky. It feels as if I’m not allowed to yearn for a child when I have not yet found my life partner...
These interactions pour salt into my already open and painful wounds. I know they mean well. I know they want the same for me that I want for myself. But ultimately, what would help more and hurt a lot less would be if they prayed for me or helped me find my life partner. In other words, like it says in Pirkei Avot (Ethics of our Fathers), 'Emor Me’at V’aseh Harbeh' - Say a little and do a lot.' Their words sting, but their actions would be appreciated.”
~~~~Written by an anonoymous single