Secondary Infertility and Pressure on Kids

In Judaism, there is this concept that a child’s prayers are more likely to be answered than an adults. For some, this could lead to undue pressure being placed on children to pray for specific outcomes. When those outcomes don’t arrive, month after month, children can start to blame themselves. 

As adults, we find it difficult when our prayers are not answered. But for our kids, who are praying for siblings, it can be confusing and strange to continue to pray for something that never arrives. This could affect their relationship with God, as well as their relationship with themselves. They might think they need to be better, do better, listen more - when really, it’s not their fault at all and it’s completely out of their control.

We are often taught that if we do better, (Segulot etc), that we will get what we need and want from Hashem. If just add another mitzvah, or just say Tehillim in a new way, that all our prayers will be answered. 

When we already have children and we are facing secondary infertility, or know we cannot have any more children, it’s not uncommon for our living children to hope and dream for more siblings. They may even be praying for just that. When it doesn’t happen, they may feel ignored, unseen, or may even start to believe that prayer doesn’t have value. 

Some of our followers have been coming to us with stories like these. 

We want to ask those of you who are here to learn about supporting a loved one not to put pressure on children. It is out of their control, and it’s not right, its not fair, and it is most definitely not reasonable, to put that kind of pressure on a child.