I Was Supposed To Have A Baby

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Loss of Naïveté

It can all change so quickly. What once felt exciting can be replaced with nerves and anxiety in an instant.

The loss of naïveté following loss is profound. Our world is rocked and our outlook changes forever.

We see you and we are here for you.


“It's been more than 9 years since our first child was stillborn.

And still, sometimes the pain, the sorrow, the unfairness of it all washes over you.

I feel it particularly in the days around weddings of people I love. It's not because the presence of our daughter is missed. It's watching new romantic love with all of the hopes and dreams that are attached to it.

It's desperately hoping that those I care about will be able to hang on to that (relative) naïveté around having children and not suffer in order to build the families they dream of.

And it's remembering how quickly and completely my world was rocked.

I attended a sheva brachot (newlywed celebration) a few days ago. While playing some version of the newlywed game the couple was asked which one wanted more children.

And the both responded "me."

Of course it was adorable and sweet, but I'm sitting there thinking- it’s cute you can still believe that's how simple it is.

And now I keep finding my brain wandering thinking about how my life changed, what my life looks like, how I'm different because of it all.

And my life is incredible but . . .”