Anonymous Snapshot of Life with Grief

Huge thanks to these members for giving us a glimpse into their world. (Some details have been changed to protect anonymity)

"I wrote a poem when I was a few weeks after my 24-week loss. I live on a block with at least 30 young families. Every single one of them besides me has either a baby or a toddler, and many have both. My poem was in reaction to all the ‘You’re so lucky’ and ‘You don’t understand’ I got from neighbors.

“When I read these posts, it makes me think of moving to a different community. Sadly, my community is sooooo child-focused; ppl literally have double-digit-sized families, and yet no focus on those of us struggling. If anything, it’s where are your other kids? Or are your boys at the men’s side? No, my dh is dancing w out any little boys in his arms. And for those who do know my situation, the silence is DEAFENING. Yes, I’m screaming 🤯. My due date is in 2 weeks, and I’m a wreck…And the more subtle, is this your youngest? And, of course, the usual, how many kids do you have? I got all these questions in shul this Simchas Torah. All in the same night.”

“Today is the 4-year anniversary of my d&c for my pregnancy. On top of all the feelings, it hurts when I remember a friend telling me don’t worry; fertility spikes after a loss (not sure where she gets this BS from). By the first anniversary, you’ll have a baby in your arms. All I had since then was another two losses, with the due date coming up soon. Ugh, all this fake positivity. Just pours salt in my wounds.”

“My sister had a baby yesterday. On my loss anniversary. We were due around the same time. Newborns are so triggering that I can’t look at them, and here I open my phone on a day I’m at my lowest and see a fresh newborn 😢. People are just so insensitive. It’s not like we have this great relationship that I need to see a pic of the baby right away. A text would’ve been enough. And she’s my younger sibling. Oy, where’s that island when I need it? 🤦‍♀️”