Know Your People

Have been thinking a lot about this lately, especially with the lecture tonight with Rabbi Segelman about the Halachos (laws) of donor conception.

So much of the pain and shame of donor conception (and frankly anything else in the fertility world) is because people just don’t understand. They haven’t lived in your shoes and don’t know about the desperation you feel about not having a baby if and when you want. They don’t see how many nights you cry, how you avoid places and situations that are filled with kids. They can’t know about the years you’ve been waiting or the thousands of dollars that you’ve spent.

Some get the fact that it’s a struggle and can relate on a basic level because they too, have been through struggle.

And others just don’t. They have led a charmed life. Everything has gone right. They’ve never had to dig deep inside themselves to try to get through a day. They’ve never felt that it was an accomplishment to actually get out of bed. And for those people, it’s really too much to expect that they will be able to be there for you. They can’t…not because they don’t want to, but they honestly don’t know how.

So we are trying to reach them, but the reality is that they may never be “your person.” They might not have the capacity. And that’s okay.

It just means that you will have to lean on other people who do get it, so that you can get the support you need. It’s okay to have different people serve different roles in your life.

Because everyone (usually) wants to help…but some are better at it than others.

Know your people. ❤️