My Personal Infertility Story
Thank you to Shayna from @sashay_accessories for allowing me to share her story
I want to highlight one important piece of this story. Anyone who is struggling to have a child, whatever the reason, feels a complex jumble of emotions. The constant disappointment, sleepless nights, hormonal shifts, feelings of isolation and anxiety are the norm, not the exception.
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There is no *shame* in admitting that you need help.
There is no *shame* in needing a therapist or meds.
There is no *shame* in not being able to handle it all.
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Because it’s a lot. So please reach out..
“I was that person who always had a plan on how I wanted things to go. My plan was to finish my masters in anesthesia and try to get pregnant during my senior year, so I would have had my baby and be able to start work once credentialing was done.
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We started to try and everyone always said how easy it was for them to get pregnant. My mom told us girls how easy it was for her and I thought I would be just as lucky.
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Time went on and nothing happened, I started to use ovulation sticks and measure my temp. At the same time, I knew friends of mine had done fertility treatments, so I started to ask them more about their journey. I figured I probably won’t need it, but I might as well be educated.
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The next time I went to my GYN for my annual, it had been about 8 months of trying. He said there was no reason to wait to start testing, so we did. Everything came back normal and we were both healthy, but still no baby. That’s when I really started to talk to my friend seriously about her journey. We made an appointment with the fertility clinic here in Atlanta, the Atlanta Center for Reproductive Medicine or ACRM. The doctor was super positive and informative and our journey kicked into high gear.
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We started with IUI and Clomid and thought for sure this it is! We did one round, nothing… round two… nothing and then we did round three… still nothing. That’s when we realized we were looking at IVF.
Not only did we now have to think of money and the cost of IVF, but I was now working as a new grad doing anesthesia. If you know a little about how surgery works, then you know our days start early at 6:30 am and they don’t stop until all the cases end, potentially late at night.
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Then there is also that beast of being “on call,” meaning you can go home, only to turn right around and not be home till 3am, and then get back up and start it all over again the next day. I was very lucky to have had a my supervising doctor be so understanding and accommodating to those early morning appointments and uncertainty of IVF.
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We ended up deciding to take out a fertility loan through Attain and our journey started! Meds, shots, blood work and ultrasounds. There was even a week where I had to go to the hospital, where my husband was working a week of nights at his job as an anesthetist, so he could give me my shot since I couldn’t do it.
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My clinic was great and I was able to have my retrieval on Thanksgiving of 2018 and didn’t have to miss any work! I remember sitting in my preop room and overhearing another person who had come out of her retrieval and them saying they got 12 eggs. I was so scared I wouldn’t have a lot or they wouldn’t be good enough. I was both lucky and unlucky. I had plenty but I also has OHSS, ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome, and now couldn’t work for the next three days.
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They created our embryos and then the waiting began. We went from 12 embryos down to 7. We chose to do mitochondrial testing which brought our number down to 5 embryos.
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Our big day came in January of 2019… implantation! It was super fast and we were home before we knew it. We had planned to drive down to Miami Beach and be with my family during the dreaded 2 week waiting period. I was so scared to move but I couldn’t sit home. I was in constant fear that I was overheating my body, not drinking enough, being too active and on and on.
My pregnancy was relatively normal and easy other than being nauseous all the time and parting ways with my job. My friend who knew all of my feelings and reactions and went through all this before said I should really see someone and get onto medication. I figured I would be fine, I didn’t want to go on meds while pregnant. Of course my baby was a week overdue and I, happily, ended up with a c-section.
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But let me tell you something… postpartum depression is not only real, but it a beast and man did I have it! I had a hard time connecting with my baby and it was so hard to see everyone around me say how much they love the baby and I felt nothing. Seeing a doctor was the best thing I did and just having support and being open helped as well.
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I look back on my whole journey, the IVF process and feeling like I was isolated on my own island, postpartum depression, and I still think how lucky I was through the whole thing. My baby is now one and he is the most amazing thing and love him to bits! We are so blessed and lucky to have him!”