Sending love to everyone today, whether your babies are here or there, in your arms or still in your minds.

“As I’m laying in bed trying to sleep, sometimes unwanted memories keep knocking on my brain, not letting me sleep. Tonight I decided to put pen to paper and see what happens when I write my thoughts. I've never really written before but I wanted to share what came out.

Trying to sleep
In the world - not a peep
Alone in my bed
Thoughts in my head
Nightmares and flashbacks
My head - how it wracks
3:30 in the morn
I am so torn
Why can't I slumber
Instead I remember
The birth of my baby
It was not meant to be

Each night
A different fight
Another thought
In which I get caught

It invades my space
My mind starts to race.

Tonight I remember...
It will stay with me forever...

Pushing you out
With a yelp and a shout
Crying and screaming
With no reprieving
Just heaving and heaving
So disbelieving

That
I
Will
Need
To
Birth
My
Lifeless
Baby

Can this be fake, PLEASE, MAYBE?

It's over, you're born
I am so worn
Yet the tears won’t stop
Not even a drop

I hear the doctor-
'Do you want to know the gender?'

It's a boy

You're taken aside
They clean you
They bundle you

And
Moments later

The nurse asks me
If I’m ready to see
My little baby

I’m petrified
I know you died
So how will you appear?
Oh baby dear.

You’re handed to me
So very gently
And finally -

You’re handed to me
So very gently
And finally -

My cries are diminished
My sobs are finished

For holding my son
Yes, even this silent one
Is the only normal thing
That the night did bring

I'm his mother
And whether
Here or THERE
I love you forever
Will always remember
The time spent together

This is the flashback
That came into my head
While lying in bed
Attempting to sleep
But not catching a wink.”

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