Really…. How Are You?

When was the last time you actually took the time and asked people how they were…really.

Because we all do this- we have these throwaway comments of “How are you?” or “How’s it going?” “What have you been up to?”

But have you ever stopped to actually listen to the answer? Or have you ever given a real answer like, “Actually my car just died, my husband lost his job and I had a miscarriage two months ago. And how are you?”

And the look on people’s faces are just priceless - it’s this interesting combination of shock, horror, dismay and I-didn’t-actually-want-you-to-tell-me-the-truth, I-wanted-some-fake-smiley-answer look.

But how can we really know, understand and support someone else, if we just know them on a surface level? If we don’t really know their true struggles, hopes and dreams…

Look, we spent a lot of time the last few days talking about why people don’t share - because of pride, shame, being worried that they’re not going to get the help they need, etc.

But I’m going to suggest something else. I think another reason people don’t share is because we are uncomfortable with the uncomfortable. We don’t like being immersed in someone else’s grief, pain or difficulty. We like things to be light and airy and not take too much time or thought.

So how about something radical? If we want to *really* see people, understand their struggles and be there for them, we first need to put ourselves in the position of asking the right question, and then be willing to sit with the answer. Because rich, deep authentic relationships come from sharing vulnerabilities, not just the fluff.

So ask.
And stay for the answers.

Especially in this time of the Hebrew calendar, when we’re coming up upon the day that the temples were destroyed, (because of baseless hatred in the community), let’s choose authenticity and listening.