Due Date
Even in the midst of crisis, due dates still come and go.
This is one woman’s experience thinking about her due date.
Swipe to read her story.
“That day is creeping upon me again.
It already passed once and at that time I prayed to be pregnant before it happened again.
Just a few short days before, I indeed got that positive test, never dreaming of the pain and trauma those new 2 little lines would bring me.
The grief of loss.
The shock of diagnosis.
The trauma of removal.
The draining of every morsel of emotional energy I didn’t even know I had until it had passed.
And here we go again.
Another due date approaching, this time with no positive test to help me through it.
Just an endless ache.
A deep desire.
A lump in my throat that never really goes away however distracted or busy I may be.
I wonder if it was a boy or girl.
I know, it never even grew big enough to be either of those but the DNA was there.
I should be waddling that 9-month belly, sweating through the night, and trying to find a comfortable position at night.
I should be figuring out where to put the Next2me and organizing the next few weeks of the kids’ lives whilst I’m busy with a new delicious-smelling bundle.
Did it even have a Neshama (soul) at that point?
Did it go through some pain as it stopped growing as an embryo and morphed into a mass instead?
What could have been the future of that teeny tiny speckle of an embryo?
How would our family and lives be different if we had a new baby at this exact point in our lives?
Questions I will never know the answer to.
Answers I don’t really want to think about because it leads me to the same place.
I lost that little bundle that never got to be.
And I’m still waiting for the hole in my womb to be filled.
Month after month. Waiting. Dreaming. Moving On.
With that lump in my throat a constant companion.
And that due date still creeping upon me.”