Diminished Ovarian Reserve
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“Diminished Ovarian Reserve (DOR for short) is a condition where a women's ovaries lose their normal reproductive potential, compromising fertility.
DOR usually occurs around menopause, but the rate of decrease can vary from women to women.
A DOR diagnosis in the early 20's is devastating.
Aging naturally reduces egg reserves, however with early DOR it boils down to impaired development of existing eggs, even with assisted reproductive techniques.
The words “Diminished Ovarian Reserve” invoke a lot of anger in me.
For good reason. It has stolen so much from me!
Although I got married pretty young (19!) and should have had plenty of time to have as many kids as I wanted to, DOR stole that opportunity away from me.
It is the cause of so much pain in my life. And although I’ve worked through a lot of it my reality hasn’t changed. So I can’t help but feel anger towards my diagnosis at times. Sometimes life doesn’t feel very fair.
I was all of 22, when after trying several treatments unsuccessfully, I was told that my ovaries were acting like I’m over 40.
Even though we were pumping my body with the max doses of fertility drugs the reality was that it did little to improve the result of each treatment.
It took a painful 6 IVF cycles to conceive my daughter. I’m sooo grateful to have married young and to have merited a miracle.
I am grateful!
AND (not but!) I am sad that I haven’t been able to give my daughter a sibling to grow up with.
My daughter is 8 years old and does not know what it’s like to have a brother or sister.
That fact brings me so much pain. Watching her grow up brings me so much comfort but at the same time is a trigger for me.
Every happy moment in life is also hard. I grew up with lots of siblings. I know what she’s missing!
I’m so grateful I get to have her. Yet, I’m often sad that it’s just her. I have so much love to give. I love babies and children! I grieve at every new stage since it also means I may have closed the chapter on the previous one forever.
Living in a community where large families are the norm, and every 8 year old child has several younger siblings, having an only child is also a very lonely experience.
I feel isolated at times. There are so many conversations I don’t feel a part of.
My daughter is growing up alone, but it’s not because we didn’t try! She was still a baby when we went back for treatments.
We did several cycles at the same clinic where we successfully conceived her. And that Doctor pretty much gave up on us after a while. He told us that unfortunately my condition had worsened and our chances of success were way down.
We were told that we could keep trying but the doctor didn’t give us much hope (less than 5% per cycle).
We grieved. A LOT.
But tried to move on. Until we couldn’t and felt we had to keep trying. We fought to be accepted into the next clinic. They initially wouldn’t take on my case because “my FSH numbers were already too high”.
We begged and were allowed to attempt treatments with them. Cycle 1 was cancelled early due to low response. Cycle 2 we made it to retrieval! But the next day we were told 1 of the 2 eggs retrieved didn't fertilize. And on transfer day we got the call that there was nothing to transfer. The precious embryo we had created didn’t even make it to day 3.
So it’s been 8 years. We’ve tried different protocols, tried doing some natural remedies, tried over 4 clinics. It’s been 10 IVF retrievals so far. We spent thousands of dollars.
And my daughter is still our only child.
I don’t regret doing it all and would do it all again in a heartbeat because I need to know that I gave it my all. So that one day, I will be able to explain to her that I tried my very best.
And I haven’t given up trying.”