Anger Towards G-d

There is so much anger in fertility.
There is so much anger in miscarriage and loss.

We hear from people over and over again, especially during the time of the Yamim Tovim when our year is laid out for us by G-d, that they feel anger towards G-d for choosing infertility and loss for them and for causing them pain year after year.

Despite our pain and our loss, we try to have a relationship with G-d, to forgive Him and ourselves for what has happened, and to try and move forward with the understanding that He knows what is best for us.

But we are met with disappointment.

Rachel Tuchman (@rachel_tuchman_lmhc) says it best: Infertility is ugly. It brings out real and raw emotions, including rage.

Anger is powerful. But at its core, it is sadness that has had no where to go for a really long time. Anger is sadness that has been brewing within us. Unresolved sadness from so much time waiting for a baby builds up and has no outlet.

In these repeated moments of disappointment, when we have been let down so many times before, we don’t know how to feel.

Like a parent that promises to come watch a child’s soccer game, but never shows up.

We are angry.

Because we love G-d and we want him to take care of us, but we feel let down. And it’s hard to live in this in-between space, especially during this time of year.