Mother’s Day is Complicated

One thing we don’t talk about is how Mother’s Day is complicated for loss moms even when their womb is full. Even when their arms carry a baby. Even when they have living children.

People see a visibly pregnant woman and wish her a Happy Mother’s Day.

They see a woman carrying an infant and wish her a Happy Mother’s Day.

They see a woman wrangling children and wish her a Happy Mother’s Day.

And of course, each of these scenarios is worth celebrating. Absolutely. No question. Each of these babies, each of these children, each of these mothers.

But what isn’t seen is the invisible grief that surrounds each one. The sorrow of baby and child loss doesn’t just disappear when a new baby is conceived or born. It can actually change the whole experience of subsequent pregnancies, as well as parenting. It lingers. Even when it lessens, some piece of it remains.

People don’t see the tears falling on the bathroom floor for the baby that was but is no longer. They don’t see the weeks, months, years of longing—of watching others have babies and wondering if their time will come. They don’t see the child who is missing, only the ones who are present.

They see life, but not the loss that is part it.

So, here’s to those mamas carrying invisible grief this Mother’s Day. You have permission to say, “this is complicated.” You have permission to hold a space for the grief of your motherhood alongside the joy of your motherhood. You have permission to acknowledge it’s not always as simple as a “Happy Mother’s Day” sentiment.