How Do I Know When I’m Healed?

“When someone has a terrible car accident, people pray for them and root for them when they graduate from rehab. When someone has cancer, when they are cancer-free or in remission, there is a round of applause when they leave the clinic that last time.

But what about me?

I’ve had a death experience - emotionally. I gave birth to a dead baby.

And I am doing whatever it takes to heal.

There are very few people who actually recognize it and see how far I’ve come.

I once heard someone ask on a support call, ‘How do I know when I'm healed?’ We were told that ‘healed’ signifies completion, but when it comes to baby loss, there isn't exactly completion of healing.

We just learn to carry it better. There isn't a ‘remission’ for us per se or one specific day where I suddenly get to say I'm over it because I'll never be ‘over it.’ But yes, even as I do climb out of my black hole and have better days, everyone around me has looong forgotten about me. But I WORKED SO HARD (we won’t even mention the $$$ in therapy) to get here, and when someone recognized how far I've come, that meant so much to me.

But maybe it's only someone who has been through utter hell themselves that can relate to me and, therefore, can equally comprehend my growth.

Everyone else is just sadly clueless.”

---A mother who will never be over her baby