I’m incredibly thankful for all of the people who have shared their stories with me. Here is another heartbreaking one about an ectopic pregnancy.

How does one move on from here? While her story is unique, there are so many pieces that are not. The fear. The pain. The loss of control. Powerlessness. Feeling that your body betrayed you. The unknown.

“I was one of those people that had my plan all worked out.

I wanted to have a baby within the year because I didn't want to have a newborn when I would be making my first bar mitzvah. I stopped taking birth control and as my first. Was approaching, I started getting all my usual signs that my. Was about to come... Except it never did. I took my first pregnancy test on day 32 and it was negative. It was really unusual for me to be late and not be pregnant. Waited another two days, and took another pregnancy test, and got a positive. But later in the day, I started cramping and staining and had this weird pain the right side of my stomach. I called my OB who said I should come in for an ultrasound and blood work.

Ultrasound showed my uterus was empty and pregnancy test was negative, blood work was ordered and OB diagnosed a chemical pregnancy. I was very upset, but comforted myself saying that it was so early and was just like my period was 6 days late, and not a big deal. Within two days of my diagnosis I got the worst period of my life, crazy cramping, heavy bleeding but I was happy was over and I could just move on and start trying again for pregnancy.

Except it wasn't over. The cramping never went away and the weird right-sided pain was getting worse every day. About a week after I stopped bleeding, I was feeling pregnancy symptoms and just on a whim took another pregnancy test, being sure it was going to be negative after having just gone through the craziest period of my life. But shockingly, it was a strong positive. I called my OB a half hour before the office closed on a Friday, and she wanted me to come in straight away for blood work to confirm the pregnancy. I called Monday morning for my HCG results, and the nurse told me, "Congratulations you're pregnant. Your HCG is 165."

I answered her it's not possible because I just had heavy bleeding with terrible pains and I'm still in pain. I didn't want to  start getting my hopes up when I just knew it was over. By OB called me back 5 minutes later and asked, "When is the soonest you can get to the office? I need to do an ultrasound ASAP."

That was the first time I started thinking that maybe something serious was going on and I started getting really nervous. The ultrasound showed once again that my uterus was empty and I should have been 6.5 weeks pregnant at that point. Blood work was done again and OB wanted me to come back first thing Tuesday morning for another ultrasound. Tuesday Morning came and this time the ultrasound showed my right tube was dilated and  there was a suspicious "mass".

My HCG had risen to nearly 600. OB officially diagnosed in ectopic pregnancy in the right tube, but was very happy we caught it early enough that it could be treated with a chemotherapy shot of Methotrexate that depletes the body of folic acid and stops the mass from growing. In other words, my baby was growing in my fallopian tube instead of my uterus, and if I didn't kill my baby, my baby would keep growing and my tube could rupture and cause internal bleeding putting my life in danger.

The shot had to be given in my local hospital in a chemo unit because only specialized nurses are able to handle the poison. Physically, I was expecting the shot to hurt more, and it was nervous about the side effects of the shot, but thankfully I didn't have any.

On Tuesday, I just felt completely exhausted.

Thursday morning, I woke up with terrible pain on my lower right side of my stomach and it was radiating down my leg. I started panicking that maybe the Methotrexate didn't work; maybe my tube h ad ruptured and my life was in danger. Had me come into the office straight away and check my vitals which are great. The ultrasound showed no signs of internal bleeding but the mass had grown since Tuesday. Because I was in so much pain, he didn't want me to risk anything and wanted me to get to the hospital as soon as possible.

Hatzola was called and luckily my husband's business partner is a hatzola member, he took the call and my husband sat in the back waiting for me. At that point I could barely walk because the pain was so bad. I couldn't think of the emotions was just trying to get through everything physically.

The OB on-call at the hospital didn't think it was a good idea to jump into surgery to remove my tube, as long as my vitals were stable. HCG results came back that it had jumped to 1,900 since Tuesday. He wanted to admit me overnight for observation in case things turn for the worst. He explained that it's normal for the HCG to rise before it drops, because it takes the Methotrexate a few days until it starts working.

After a few hours, he came back and said he is leaving it up to me if I want the surgery. He could remove my tube, but it would be putting my future fertility in danger and he didn't recommend it. I sat with my husband, discussing if I should do the surgery or just wait and see if the Methotrexate starts working and the HCG starts falling. It was one of our hardest decisions. I didn't want to lose my tube, but on the other hand, if my two ruptured, it would be a more complex surgery and more dangerous situation. We decided to wait until the morning, and if things would get worse during the night I would have the surgery.

During the night I started feeling better. The pain started easing off and it wasn't so unbearable. I had my HCG checked first thing in the morning and it had dropped to 1,600, so the doctor was happy to discharge me.

Over the next few days, I had a more terrible pain attacks and every time I had one, I had to go back to the doctor's office to check my vitals to make sure my tube hadn't ruptured. The risk of rupture continues until the HCG drops below 10. 

I felt like I was a ticking Time Bomb. I was scared to go back to work, scared of exercising, scared to lift. I was going to my ob's office every two days either for emergency visits to check my vitals or for blood work to make sure my HCG was continuing to drop. The emotional side was also kicking in, and after another emergency visit, I broke down and cried and cried and cried and couldn't stop crying for hours. I regretted my decision to not do the surgery.

It took 5 weeks for my HCG to drop below five which is considered a negative pregnancy. Those weeks were torture physically and emotionally. I couldn't move on from the trauma because I felt like I was still in it. I felt if I  would have just had my tube removed, I would have been able to move on emotionally, instead of dragging it out for so many weeks and not knowing for a minute to minute what would happen.

Finally one my HCG hits 0, 7 weeks before my initial diagnosis, I was hoping to start trying for pregnancy again. But then I got a call from my OB that she wants me to go on birth control for another 6 months because that's how long it takes for the body to fully recover."