Dear Infertility
“Dear Infertility,
You came into my life with no warning.
No hello.
No good morning.
Nothing.
You never even bothered to announce your presence. One day I just turned around and realized there you were. And you were everywhere!
When I would wake up in the morning to a quiet house.
You were there.
When I would make breakfast for myself.
You were there.
When I went grocery shopping.
You were there.
When I drove to work.
You were there.
When I came into my clean, empty house.
You were there.
When I cooked dinner for two.
You were there.
When I hung out with my friends.
You were there.
When I spent time with family.
You were there.
Wherever I went you always came along.
I came to find comfort in your presence.
You were a part of me.
You were who I knew
You accompanied me to my doctors' appointments. You accompanied me to all my medical procedures. You accompanied me to my early morning monitoring. You accompanied me to my blood work. You were reliable.
No matter where I was, you were right there next to me.
Sometimes you were quiet and I would almost forget you were there.
Then you would start to whisper and the whispers would get louder and louder, until I'd run home and hide under my covers with my pillow on my head.
But when I woke, you were there. Waiting for me like any good friend would.
And then I got you, Infertility.
I got you good.
I got pregnant.
You tried to scare me. Not once but eight times! You tried to tell me I won't make it to motherhood.
But guess what, I did.
I won.
I have my twins to prove it.
I beat infertility.
You didn't like that, did you? You couldn't just let me get rid of you.
Every time I turned a corner, I would find you hiding.
By my friend's son's Bar Mitzva. You were there.
At the park with my kids. You were there.
By my younger brother third kid's bris.
Circumcision ceremony
You were there.
My friend's kid graduating
elementary school.
You were there.
But I had my twins. I was good.
But you wouldn't let down.
I got pregnant on my own. And you came and took it.
I tried again.
There was blood everywhere.
Dear, Infertility, you tried to
break me but you can't.
I'm stronger because of you.
I have you, Infertility, to thank for all I've gained over
these years.
I'm empathetic. I'm persistent.
I know how to stand up for myself. I am a good listener.
I'm a fighter.
I'm caring.
I'm more understanding.
I know how to love hard.
I count my blessings daily. I appreciate the small things. I know how to advocate for myself.
I have this and so much more.
So today, I want to say thank you.
Thank you, Infertility, for making me cry more tears than I knew was possible.
Thank you for making me connect with my Creator on a whole new level.
Thank you for making me into the person I am today.
I'm a better mom because of you. I'm a better wife because of you.
I'm a better human because of you.
You came into my life uninvited. I now know you will never leave.
No matter how hard I wish you away you are here to stay.
And one last thing, Infertility.
I hate you.”