Letter To My Future Baby

“I never understood wanting a child so badly until I couldn't have one.

Dear future baby:

I hope one day you can understand how much you were wanted in this world by your dad and me.

I'm writing this 3 days post egg retrieval where I am in possibly the most physical and emotional pain I have ever been in.

All I keep thinking is that one day, I hope it'll be worth it.

I just want to hold you in my arms, with tears streaming down my face with gratitude, instead of the pain of an empty belly and arms month after month.

This comes after 3 years of infertility, endless appointments, bloodwork, ultrasounds, workups for both your dad and me,genetic testing for us both, and more tears than I can even begin to put into words.

When we started this IVF journey after many months of uncertainty and failed treatment options, I did all of my research to prepare for this, but I could never have truly known what it entailed until I endured it.

People say

"Just go on vacation,”

"Just relax and you'll get pregnant,”

and so much more.

But they don't know the pain of infertility.

And I hope they never do.

I wouldn't want my worst enemy to go through even half of what we've been through.

It is one of the most brutal things I've ever dealt with.

I never understood wanting a child so badly until I couldn't have one.

Diagnosis after diagnosis,

negative pregnancy test after negative pregnancy test,

that's when I truly understood how badly I wanted you.

The tears I've cried,

the procedures I've been through,

the emotional and physical pain we endured,

we know it will be worth it with you in our arms.

Please G-d,

may it be our turn soon to be your parents and may we get to meet you and love on you soon.

I love you so much already, baby.

With love,

Your future mom