I Was Supposed To Have A Baby

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Nope.

Hearing “No” year after year is an incredibly hard and painful thing.

As we enter 2024, we are holding space for those who find themselves in the same, dreaded place as last year.

“You know the photograph you take with all your IVF needles around your miracle baby?

Every last needle you painstakingly injected yourself with—to lead to a healthy baby?

What do you do with a bucket of needles that led you to no baby?

The bucket of needles I lovingly saved for that special day. The bucket of needles that somehow gave me hope every time I added one to it.

It grew and grew and all I thought about was the photo I would take of our beautiful miracle.

Now I look at the bucket with sadness and a broken heart. I think about the 4 IUIs that failed, the retrieval, and the 5 failed transfers.

Our journey of treatments has come to an end with no healthy baby,

These needles represent love, hope, pain, challenges, ups and downs, yearning, believing, disappointment, and hardship.

The answer was nope.