“The Molar Pregnancy Hit Me in a Way That Was So Unknown”

Usually, a person learns about molar pregnancy while they are experiencing one.

In this story, a woman talks about her loss (because a molar pregnancy is still pregnancy loss), what she learned from the experience, and what helped her survive the darkest of times.

"I had a first-trimester miscarriage and, six months later, I had a molar pregnancy. The molar pregnancy affected me in a much stronger way for a few reasons.

Firstly, I was barely recovered from my first miscarriage and was not at all ready for more bad news. I thought that it was my lucky break, but instead, it was just a bigger nightmare. But more than that, I knew about miscarriages. "Everyone" has a miscarriage. "It's normal." This is what people commented to me after my early miscarriage.

The molar pregnancy hit me in a way that was so unknown.

I had no clue what it was. If not for my previous loss that sent me running for a scan days after I got the positive, I wouldn't have known something was wrong for weeks (hidden blessing, of course).

I spent hours googling and joining Facebook groups to find out about this condition, seeing the worst possible outcomes, and then explaining all of that to my family, who were equally in the dark about what it was.

The lack of knowledge and publicity about molar pregnancy has made the whole experience so much scarier.

And for those who don't know, one needs to have a weekly blood test after a molar pregnancy to ensure the mass is not growing and that the HCG levels are decreasing. It's a weekly test of faith and patience and extremely draining until the results show that the HCG is falling.

If it's not, then further treatment has to start. Chemo or another option.

This made the previous loss so straightforward in comparison. I am blessed that I caught it early and that my doctor was knowledgeable and an expert in this, and my levels were down to zero within ten weeks of my D&C. I recognize that not every molar pregnancy is like that.

But my body is still healing, and my rainbow is still far away.

While it was happening and even until today, six months later, when I think about it I feel like I'm having an out-of-body experience. It was irregular. It was weird and came on the tail of a painful but "regular" loss. I didn't think it could happen again or get worse. And looking back, I can't believe I lived through that and that it happened to me.

There's a tiny part of my heart that feels so sorry for that innocent woman who had to go through the whole sad story.

My advice would be to find others who are going through this.

It's a unique type of pregnancy loss and the fact that there is the weekly blood test for some and further chemo treatments on top of that for others, means it drags on so much longer than a miscarriage.

There's a whole after care process to get to a healthy baseline just to live, never mind getting pregnant again.

I also found it super helpful to have knowledge and insight from other women to compare with my experiences and to be prepared and aware of further steps. "My Molar Pregnancy Support Group" on facebook was phenomenal.

And like any pregnancy loss or grieving situation, be kind to yourself.

Don't do what you don't want to do; don't feel that you have to explain anything to anyone.

It is really traumatic.

The feeling that my body worked against me and tricked me into thinking, looking and acting pregnant was painful and traumatizing.

And rest.

It's so important for recovery following the D&C and as the body clears the mass. I gave myself a weekly treat for showing up and doing those blood tests. Go to therapy if you need. Speak to who you know can support you.

I want to share a nice thing actually. I went to the same lab every week for my blood test. And there was a rotation of secretaries there. The first few weeks of testing were really painful because I had to re-explain the whole story to the secretary.

No, I'm not pregnant.

Yes, this is a blood test for HCG.

Yes, it is an emergency.

Yes, the OBGYN needs the results today so he can plot them on the graph.

No, we don't need a special permission for that.

One secretary caught on to the situation and from that week she had me skip the line and come straight to her desk where she processed the whole thing for me, without asking all those questions again and without making a fuss.

It was a small thing that made it that less traumatic for me. People over ask questions, even the medical people and obviously I was in such a sensitive moment but they didn't notice or seem to care. They had to understand why I was scheduled for an HCG test if I wasn't pregnant and surely there was a mistake on my part.

This lady was a light in the dark and I will never forget that.

One more point- People made comments to me that a molar pregnancy isn't losing a baby since a baby didn't grow; A mass did.

Firstly, in some cases, a baby started to grow and then it stops and turns into a mass.

Secondly, I got that positive pregnancy test.

My body showed every sign of pregnancy and worse. From the moment that egg and sperm met, the hope and dream of that baby was born. It didn't get very far before turning into a mass, but it is so not the point.

I lost…

I lost a baby.

A hope of a baby.

A pregnancy.

A dream.

It was removed from my body both physically and emotionally.

Be kind.”