I Was Supposed To Have A Baby

View Original

Infertility: Forever Waiting

“I'm forever waiting.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Waiting to have the money to continue with IVF.
Waiting to be set up with the right doctors.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Waiting, forever waiting.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
When will I be able to release my breath? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I’m forever waiting for the chance to add to my family.

When will the time be right?
When will Hashem (G-d) hear me crying out to him in pain, calling to Him from the depths of my heart and soul?
Can He hear me?
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Waiting.
I’m forever waiting.
Waiting is trying my patience.
Waiting is unbearable.
I feel like I’m forever waiting.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Waiting for that phone call that broke my heart and spirit.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
And now, the waiting starts from the beginning.

Waiting for my body to heal.
Waiting for Covid-19 to end.
Waiting to see if my doctors office will slowly open up again.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I’m waiting, forever waiting.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I can feel it this time.
Something about this waiting period feels different.
Has Hashem (G-d) finally heard my pleas?
Will He release me from this waiting game?
Will I get the chance to release my breath
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Waiting. I’m forever waiting.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
But I know I'm not waiting alone.”