This piece is from @avigayil08 and her husband @keavers19 . Avigayil writes, “Something that made my high holidays even harder was seeing how much my husband struggled. With MFI  #malefactorinfertility he held so much guilt, anger, sadness, disappointment, the list goes on and on and his connection with Gd has struggled even more than my own through our journey. ❤️
But men are expected to be in shul on RH and YK. I at least could make excuses. One year I noticed he wasn't saying words during Selichot and I asked him what happened. He said, how can I say the words, ‘Gd is merciful and understanding and kind and truthful when I have always done what my parents, teachers, and rabbis have taught me and I was given a sentance of possibly never having my own children? How is that a merciful Gd? What did I ever do? All I have ever wanted in life is to be a father!’
❤️
It struck me at how much he was internalizing the words and how much our journey was affecting him. So many people think, it's just women who are affected by infertility treatments and diagnoses but the spouses are hurting just as much if not more.”