“I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 13, and had to start taking birth control pill to regulate my periods. Even then, when the last thing I thought was having kids, my gynecologist always reassured me that I would have no difficulty to get pregnant.
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When I got married, our rabbi instructed us that I should keep the BC for a few months, so we could get used to marital life the way it should be - with niddah and taharah (marital purity laws-no intercourse during the wife’s period and for 7 days afterwards).
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After that time, I quit the pill and we waited to see if I would get pregnant, but I actually didn’t get my period for 5 months! It was such a stressful time, because the period wouldn’t come, I would take pregnancy test after pregnancy test, and they all came back negative. My skin and hair got terrible, I gained almost 12kg (~25 pounds), and we didn’t have the emotional stability that Taharat hamishpacha (ritual purity laws)provides when the parts of the month are defined.
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I went back to my doctor and rabbi, and got back on BC, and my doctor kept telling me I’d get pregnant soon.

Fast forward to a few months later, I went to my doctor after 3 rounds of medication to stimulate my ovulation and no results, she finally told me she had no idea what to do with me and that I should find a specialist. (PS: My husband had been telling me to switch doctors from the first time I didn’t get my period when she didn’t care to even examine me!)

To make sure I didn’t have have endometriosis, I had to undergo a traumatizing exam when a balloon was inflated into my uterus and contrast was injected - it’s all watched via x-ray to check if my tubes were obstructed. I was in so much pain… and the exam made me niddah (I started bleeding. so I had to separate from my husband), so I didn’t even have my husband’s hugs to help make the trauma go away.

The worst part was when I wen tot show my exams to my doctor. She asked how long the exam took and if I was in any pain. I told her that “It took 40 mins and I was screaming and crying, because the first balloon they inflated was bigger than my uterus!” She then told me that one of my tubes looked obstructed, and that it could be endometriosis, but they weren’t sure. It was so frustrating.

We did 3 cycles of programmed intercourse ( I think that’s how we say it in English, feel free to correct me) using much stronger medication that I’d tried with my first doctor. After that didn’t work, we went for IVF. Did the egg retrieval and made 3 transfers last year. Unfortunately, none of them resulted in pregnancy.

After the 3, we decided to make another stimulation to harvest the eggs. and decided that we would biopsy them embryos. My ovaries got so swollen and painful before the harvest that I had to stay in bed rest for a week and was in pain and strong meds for a month.

Thank Gd, it went well, and we BH (Thank Gd) have 5 really good embryos, and I’m trying to prepare to the next transfer by lowering stress, eating better (as much as possible), exercising, losing weight and I’m about to start acupuncture.

I really appreciate that you brought up this topic and how others can be more sensitive. I’ve already lost count of how many times people congratulated me on the baby they thought I had, or said hello looking at my belly… how many community events, weddings and parties we chose not to go just so we wouldn’t have to face those people. there have been worse times than now, but it still hurts a lot.

Still, I must say we are so thankful for the people that have been helping us, as well as everyone at the clinic. Also, we are going through this while still young (it started when I was 20, I’m not 24), we are truing to learn from all of it - even if there are days we just wanna scream or cry.”