Sharing this raw piece to normalize these feelings.

F*** Hashem & F*** Segulos

“I was beyond angry.

I was crying as I went to the bathroom and found my period.

All the Segulos (actions that a reputed to lead to a change in one’s fortune) are S***

Spending so much time of our Israel trip by Kevarim (graves of Jewish leaders), draining myself asking for the same thing multiple times.

Doing all the “good” that you are supposed to do.

I’ve done the things even when they were hard— Nishmas (prayers) 40 days, keeping my mouth shut when I was fuming with anger, and just letting things slide despite it not feeling fair.

Hashem can kiss any davening (praying) this Tishrei (Jewish month) goodbye because I ain’t doing any of that s***.

I am so so done.

So finished when people always say Hashem this and Hashem that.

He can go ******** because I am done.

There’s no more trying anything.

No more extras. No more Segulos.

Just crying and crying.

It’s so not fair.

I hate G0d.”