Stop Saying Never Give Up
Sometimes you need to step back and take a break. A long break. Or change course. Or try something new. Or stop trying altogether. So I beg you, fertility community- let’s stop saying, “Never give up.”
Don’t Ask. Ever
I’ve been talking a lot about the expectations vs reality of what your life looks like. But what about families in your community? Why do we speak in hushed tones about those couples who have small families?
We All Care
“We care so much," - almost slips out, before it is harshly shushed by the silencing, accusing voices of "Don't say that. How can you ever care enough?”
Letter To My Daughter
“An open letter to my daughter: I see you. Or at least the pieces you want me to see. I have come to your house early in the morning for weeks and weeks, and I don’t ask questions.”
Sensitivity Guide
We can’t give you the answers on how to be sensitive to the people in your life who are struggling. Because people are complicated and their stories are even more complicated.
Instead of “I Know How You Feel”
Look, there always such a black and white distinction between what is appropriate and not appropriate to say to someone who is going through infertility or loss.
Really…. How Are You?
When was the last time you actually took the time and asked people how they were…really. Have you ever stopped to actually listen to the answer?
The Impact
Because we need the fuzzy blankets, the homemade cookies, the hugs, the friends and the kindness. Those are the things that we carry with us, in our hearts, long beyond our losses.
Do I Need Therapy?
We’ve spent a lot of time discussing many different aspects of this, touching on topics like support groups, medication, setting boundaries, toxic positivity, self care, etc.
Supporting Someone Pregnant After Loss
Watching someone go through pregnancy after loss is really hard, in a way that’s both similar and different to the experience of losing a baby.
Toxic Positivity
No matter how many times you tell someone this, it’s just not the way to happiness. It’s the same as forcing the “good vibes only” or “just keep going” shtick. It doesn’t work.
Giving Space
Our suggestion👉🏻 Let him tell you to bleep off and leave him alone. A good friend means never being upset when they tell you that they need space.
Mother’s Day
10 things your friend with infertility and/or pregnancy loss never tells you about mother’s day. I want to celebrate for you but also grieve for me.
Acknowledge Always
When people are struggling, whether it is something personal or very public, part of being a kind human, of being a mensch (a person on integrity and honor), is caring about your fellow man.
9 Support Suggestions
You all know the basics by now, so here's an updated list to get you thinking a little bit more about how to support the people you love. 9 more suggestions.
Dear Society
So here's a formal shoutout to all of society - PLEASE DON'T ASK. You don't really want to know the answers. You're just making small talk. And the small talk hurts.
Open Letter to Friends & Family
"Things have been pretty rough around here lately. We have been going through (insert your own narrative here or keep this section vague) a lot, and I need to take a step back.”
Support Not Suggestions
It's important to share this message any time of year, but especially now when so many of you are seeing friends and family who may not know the intricacies of your situation.
“Everyone Has Kids Here”
Don't ask people how many kids they have. Why? Because of statistics. 1 out of 6 couples are dealing with some kind of infertility and 1 out of 4 pregnancies end in a loss.
Gossip
When you're struggling to have a child, gossip can be even more upsetting. Because if they're talking about everyone else's uterus, they're talking about yours too.